Familiarity breeds contempt and children.
– Mark Twain

That is quite a true statement. Within a few months of marriage, Rekha and I became familiar with each other. Now, we also have contempt for each other. No wonder…we are planning for a child very soon.

Besides the contempt, the other thing that encouraged us to go for a child is the way the Family Planning dept. is going full hog. From “We Two, ours Two”…their slogan has changed to “We Two, ours one.” They might soon change it to “We are children, why do we need children” – and we want to pip them to the post.

It seems we can have children. We met a doctor, and he said children were hereditary. “If your parents had them…chances are you could also have them,” he said. This news has brought good cheer in our family of two.

Everything said and done, I know being a child and having a child are not the same.

Back then, children used to be very obedient. Now, days have changed and happiness in the family depends on how parents obey their children.

Back then, the children and their grandparents would make quite a combination. Going to the park, shopping ….almost everything was done together. But, now-a-days they have realized that they have a common enemy…the middle generation (that is us) …and work towards making our life hell.

Rekha and I have already started preparing for aggressive children. We have enrolled ourselves in a Karate school, and also plan to take up Taekwondo. But all this for self defence only. For I know how to tackle them. I would iron out all issues by speaking to them. Didn`t Robert Orben say: “Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected.”

Everything said, I think we will be able to solve everything at the dining table – the only place where we will rule the roost. After all, use of force is a bad solution employed only by rouge nations (like United States of America).

A few of my colleagues suggest that we should give birth to a baby…take care of it for five years…and then leave it to survive by itself in this big, bad world. I asked them on what logic they suggest this and here is the conversation:

“Why do you say that I should take care of my child till he/she is five years of age, and then leave him/her to survive for himself/herself?”

“Don`t you know that man is an animal?”

“Yes, I know that part.”

“Then, I guess you would also know that man is the only animal that allows its children to come back home.”

“Yes, I know that part.”

“You have always wanted to be different. Wouldn`t you want to be different here too?”

“Sure, I would want to.”

“Then why don`t you do as I say?”

“Because my child will be choosing my old age home. So…doesn`t it make sense for me to be careful with him?”

My colleague didn`t say a word after that. As of now Rekha and I are still waiting for that child who will fill our house with happiness….

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

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