Does Size Matter?

Yes size matters. Since this is not a debate that would decide the future of the World (like how the debate between John Kerry and George Bush did), I will be my usual self and not think as I type.

Come to think of it, I guess I should stop calling myself a writer. I am more of a typer. Sometimes, I surpass my own intelligence.

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I think size does matters. On the roads, the bigger your vehicle, the more accidents you get to cause without hurting yourself. Didn`t Jaspal Bhatti once label Truck drivers as Kings of the road?

Talking of trucks, how can I forget that fateful day when a truck kissed my small TVS 50? Yuckily, no baby was delivered.

I was drunk (thanks to a Kuwait bound college-mate whom I had never spoken to) and was getting back home on my green TVS 50. The signal was clear, but the overcautious me was in no hurry… I screeched to a halt at the Stop Line. I knew I was drunk …and I wanted to take it easy…go slow… I needed to be in control. I stopped my vehicle at the stop line, when the signal was green. Trucks and busses, which were just behind me, also screeched to a halt. One truck would be close enough to kiss the back of my TVS 50.

What happened thereafter was mayhem. I had caused a series of collisions. From the traffic policeman …to the truck driver .. to the guy who lost his leg because he rammed into a Matador van 20 meters behind me…everybody cursed me.

I still believe that if only I were six feet tall, and stood up to stare at the traffic policeman in the eye and not at his navel (as was the case)…I would have left the place with some dignity.

Comparatively, the schools were better. At least, I had one guy in the class to bully. All the other classmates of mine had two.

Size mattered at the school assembly and at the school ground. There was one instance though, when being small helped. I made it to the school cricket team as the wicket keeper. Somebody told my Physical Education teacher that all wicket keepers were short. The stupid guy that he was…did not realize that all short people were not wicket keepers. Anyways, I played only one match.

Size mattered in office too. Those that were huge looked down upon me. Literally. Figuratively? I am not sure.

Size mattered in the outside world too. Especially, before marriage.

Thanks to my size, my sample size, to choose a wife from, was drastically reduced. When somebody said, “Hey, did you check out that pretty girl in red T-shirt?”

I would ask, “She tall?”

More often than not, “Hmm…nah…she is not tall,” would be the answer. Now, I was not a guy to believe in hearsay…and would take the next step only after scientifically analyzing the height of the girl in the news.

I would walk past the girl, and my friends (if I could call them that) would give thumbs up sign if I were taller. The only girl they ever gave a thumbs up sign was for Rekha…and she would eventually become my wife. Quite a focused guy, huh?

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I know…you probably wonder why size means height to me. If you were put to the hardships & insults that I have been through, thanks to my 165 cms (that is 5 4″) tall frame…you would know.

Won`t you be insulted if on your first night…your wife cuddles up to you and whispers in your ears: “Honey, don`t worry…I will give up wearing heals and platforms.” I was.

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

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