I am no exaggerator…but last night while having dinner I got a call from the Indian President Dr Abdul Kalam. He said I was being awarded the ‘Exaggerator of the year award`. Since I don`t like to be disturbed during dinner, I informed him that I would call him at the next available opportunity and kept the phone down.

After dinner, my curiosity got the better of me and I did a Google search. Seems ‘Exaggerator of the year award` has been previously won by Subramanian Swamy, George Bush, Amar Singh, TN Seshan, Bishen Singh Bedi, Uma Bharati, Krish Srikkanth and Anirdham Chaudhri among others.

On further research, I found that on 5th of January of each year, both the Rajya Sabha and Lok Sabha members in consultation with the Executive and Judiciary come up with a list of ten biggest exaggerators from various walks of life. Behind each of these ten individuals, the Govt then tags a CIA operative. You probably wonder why a CIA operative behind each of these individuals….but this shift to CIA operatives is being followed since the late 1950s when Jawahar Lal Nehru won the award for exaggerating the benefits of socialism.

In their bid to win the award, the selected individuals had begun to bribe the neutral watchers…back then the RAW agents. The decision to request US of A for ten able bodied CIA operatives for the above said task was taken after Mehboob Khan won the award for his exaggerated direction of the 1957 Nargis-Sunil Dutt starrer called Mother India. After he won the Best Exaggerator Award, Times of India (which was then actually a newspaper) had said: “No amount of awards will be enough for the way Mehboob Khan exaggerated the troubles Nargis faced. Wherever she went she faced trouble…sometimes the viewer wondered…if the movie was supposed to relax?”

After the awards were announced, the neutral observers said that they had been tempted by Nargis and Sunil Dutt…and recommended that CIA operatives be used so that the language problem and the minimal exchange rate ensure no money exchanges hands.

After a while, I stopped searching and looked for Kalu`s number. The person you address as the President of India is a pal of mine and I address him as Kalu. I had his number stored in my mobile…and thus gave him a missed call. I generally do that because for him outgoing is free…and he always says all calls he makes go into Gandhi`s account. Within a few seconds he gave me a call…and we spoke for about 21 minutes.

Why 21 minutes? I was only trying to convince him that I didn`t want the award…but he won`t listen one bit.

As of now I have agreed to be at the presentation ceremony scheduled at the Indira Gandhi Maidan in New Delhi. Heads of State from 189 countries have agreed to grace the occasion – the biggest gathering since Diana`s death in a car crash. It is being telecast live on NDTV, Aaj Tak, Doordarshan…and on Sun TV because somebody from Tamil Nadu is winning the award after a long time.

To congratulate me on winning the award mail me –

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

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