I am all messed up

What is life made up of? Simple: Take a lie, add the F-word and you get L.I.F.E. Cool isn`t it?

Anyway, I have arrived in life. Last evening I bought L`Oreal`s Out Of Bed Long Lasting Messed Up Effect hair gel! There did seem to be a conspiracy by the sales girl manning the Health & Glow billing counter, which almost stalled my purchase.

“Sir, the 150 ml can will cost you Rs 335,” she said.

“You either say ‘can` or you say ‘will`…it is wrong English to use both ‘can` and ‘will` at the same time,” I corrected her.

Perhaps, she was not used to people correcting her English for she looked right into my eyes and stated that she was referring to the L`Oreal can.

“Rs 335 for what I bought? Did I just buy 150 ml of gold flakes?”

“Sir, we don`t sell Gold Flakes here. To buy them, you need to visit the tea-shop across the road.”

“Very funny!”


“I am not your honey,” I lashed out at the sales girl who was now giving me a confused look.

“I called you honey, honey.” It was Rekha. I thanked God.

Rekha is so protective of me (which is a difficult task considering the number of girls who swoon for me) that she doesn`t even let her split personality speak to me. The other day, I remember when Shalini surfaced (yes, that`s Rekha`s split personality) Rekha didn`t let her serve me food. Eventually, I had to sleep hungry.

“Yes, darling. Tell me.” I was now looking at Rekha.

“L`Oreal products are costly. In fact, the Black Triple Protection Color packet, which I have picked up, cost us Rs 475 and the eyeliner set us back by Rs 225.”

“So it is not a conspiracy by the sales girl to ensure I don`t reach my office with the Out of Bed messed up look?”

“No,” Rekha said. Her tone suggested I had made as much a joke of myself, as was allowed under our marriage contract. I looked at the sales girl and nodded. She immediately billed me.

Even as we walked out of the shop, I wondered at the irony….was the L`Oreal Out of Bed look gel a hot seller because it helped people get in bed? You never know.

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at jv.rajan@gmail.com or message him at +919650080255.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *