If only we could hear the mind speak

Many movies have been directed and many stories written about what can happen if we hear people speak their mind. That is, if besides hearing what people say…we also hear what they want to say but don`t.

Here are some scenarios which could sound funny –

Executive: I will be getting promoted this time…won`t I?
Reporting Manager: Of course, you would be. I have already spoken to the boss.
(Like hell you will be. For what you are capable of doing, you should be paying the company to stay on the rolls. Anyway, I am quitting this place in a month`s time.)

Wife: Do I look fat?
Husband: Not at all. In fact this dress makes you look slim.
(And where did you buy that from – the Salvation Army? If you hadn`t had lunch your mother could have joined you inside the dress.)

Friend 1 (pointing at a girl): I think I am in love with that girl. Do you think she would like me?
Friend 2: Why not? You are both handsome and intelligent – a combination girls find hard to resist.
(Except that you are a hairy a*#hole who hasn`t taken bath in the last one year. Not to mention your dirty socks which make you a weapon of mass destruction.)

Patient: When will I be fine doctor?
Doctor: You will be up and running in a month`s time.
(Had I spotted that hole in the heart earlier, I would have taken advance payment. Wonder if your son will pay me after your death in two days.)

New girl colleague: Thanks for helping me out. The place and the process are all new and I was lost till I met you.
Old boy colleague: No issues. I was just doing my duty.
(By the way, is Jaganathan your father? Don`t tell me he is your husband. If yes, I have just wasted half of my day getting you the computer, configuring Outlook and getting you the internet connection.)

Policeman: You know it is wrong to stop your vehicle beyond the stop line?
Student: Yes sir. I am really sorry.
(But I never tell you that it is wrong to accept bribe for letting go offenders. I wish I could punch you in your face right now.)

Guest at the Hotel: My soup is cold.
Waiter: Sir, I will replace it for you right away. We will compensate by delivering a Chiken Tikka Masala – on the house.
(Try saying that ‘ soup is cold` to your wife. If the chief chef is not in the pantry…you unlucky b#*&%*d would get real warm soup. Hope you like the taste of urea.)

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at jv.rajan@gmail.com or message him at +919650080255.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *