Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen. He and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It’s all part of Woody’s plan to grow his own wives.
– David Letterman
[For those who don`t know, Woody Allen married his own daughter. Foster child, actually]
The doctors – yes, two of them – have said that my wife is most likely to deliver our baby on March 20th. You can`t blame us for that. It happens in the best of families.
Rekha and I were discussing the other day about the baby and she was very excited that the labor was going to end soon. With great difficulty, I managed to convince her that labor doesn`t end when the baby is born, but begins from there. If you haven`t had a baby of your own, let me tell you that they are more trouble than what we attribute them and of course, more wonderful. [All this from the advice I have got from various quarters. Any more advice and I will shoot the advisor.]
The other day, I went out with two couples – they had included me in their plans because they thought I was living a lonely life in Chennai (remember, my wife is in Kerala).
One of the two couples had a baby – 6 months old – and the six of us had a good time. Just that they kept advising me on how my life would change after the baby makes an entry.
Rakesh started off, “you know the phrase ‘as easy as taking a candy from a baby`?
“Yeah, what about it?” In the last six months I have had 1000Xn number of people telling me about the various advantages and disadvantages of a baby that I was not interested in baby talk.
“That phrase was coined by a person who has never taken a candy from a baby.”
“What is your point?” I almost demanded an explanation.
I have a feeling Rakesh got the hint, for he didn`t elaborate and just said: “My point is that babies are difficult to handle.”
We didn`t speak for a while. His wife – Gauthami – spoke next. “You must have heard of the phrase ‘I slept like a baby`.”
“Yeah, I know a bit of English and know these phrases.”
She smiled at me which made me wonder if she realized that I was still miffed. Her silence was killing me. “Yeah, what about that phrase?”
“That phrase was coined by somebody who didn`t have baby in their home.”
At this, the other couple jumped to my rescue. They said they had to get up twice in the night to feed their six months old baby.
“Twice?” I was shocked. Nobody had told me that.
“Yes twice, but we both love the expression on his face when he dozes off to sleep after his feed.”
We continued talking for the rest of the journey. I realized that both the families – the one that had the baby and the one that didn`t have the baby were sorry for each other.
How should I feel now? I am confused. This is worse than buying a pair of sneakers.
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