You don`t marry a girl. You marry her relatives.
While some agree that that marriage is the fastest way of transferring funds or bringing in a change of management, I believe that it is the quickest way to insanity.
I recently visited Bangalore for I was invited to a marriage in Rekha`s family. Being a first-hand experience, it was quite a handful. I wouldn`t have gone…had I not watched an episode of ‘Who dares Wins` hosted by Mike Whitney on AXN.
I told Rekha, “Come on…I feel cocky..let us go to the marriage.”
“What do you mean?
“I feel like Mike Whitney of the AXN TV program ‘Who dares Wins`.”
She was quite upset. “You don`t need to feel like an adventurer to come visit my relatives. I never felt like one while visiting your relatives!”
I am censoring the adjectives & adverbs she used to describe my relatives, but I guess you get the drift. Our discussion on the Bangalore trip ended on a sour note…and like in all things that end on a sour note…I lost.
We were to get down at Bangalore city junction and one close relative of hers was to pick us up. We reached Bangalore at 5 a.m. and quickly spotted a man in a white shirt and white trousers with a board that said “Welcome Mrs Rekha”.
I was upset. They hadn`t even mentioned “Mrs Rekha Rajan”. I immediately got into the revenge mode.
“Is your close relative a driver with some hotel?” I asked Rekha.
“Nope.” Her short reply was an indication that she was upset.
It seems the close relative who was to pick us up misplaced his spectacles, and didn`t want to make a spectacle of him by coming to the station, blind.
We were to reach her favorite uncle`s (in Malayalam an uncle is known as ‘ammon`. Wonder why?) house…freshen up…and then visit the marriage hall at 10 a.m..
As luck would have the favorite uncle had participated in the bachelor`s party the previous night and lost the house keys in a fight with one of Rekha`s 14-year old cousin. Don`t ask me how a much-married 45-year-old Indian Navy guy (aren`t all Malayalees in the Navy?) managed to get into the bachelor party and pick up a fight with a 14-year old drunkard in family.
With a car and a driver at hand…and nowhere to go…Rekha called up one of her aunt in Bangalore. The aunt was quite helpful…she gave us the road map to another relative`s house. Just because I couldn`t hide a smirk…I got scolded.
Eventually, the driver in white managed to reach Rekha`s junior aunt`s place. Rekha walked up to the door…and rang the bell.
Her aunt opened a small window next to the main door, and shouted: “we don`t need milk & vegetables today, we are going to a marriage and eating all three times there.”
Rekha looked back at me. She knew I had heard it right…for she noticed a smirk on my face. With few options…she rang the bell again. This time the aunt opened the door and said: “Hey! Rekha it is you.”
“Yes aunt. Can we come in?”
Not able to resist it any longer…her aunt opened the door but stood in the doorway. Under normal circumstances, Rekha would have pushed through the barrier…but she knew I was looking…and she couldn`t bring down her family members.
“Rekha baby, Achutan Nambiar ammon has booked a room for you guys in a hotel in Sheshadripuram. Why don`t you go there?”
As we drove to the hotel …Rekha and I began to hum…
“Where are you going, my pretty maid”?
“I’m going to Bangalore, sir,” she said.
“May I go with you? my pretty maid?”
“You’re kindly welcome, sir,” she said.
“What are your relatives, pretty maid?”
“My relatives are stupid, sir,” she said.
“What is your fortune, my pretty maid?”
“My face is my fortune, sir” she said.
“Then I can’t marry you, my pretty maid.”
“That`s too late, sir,” she said.”