I am not much of a music guy. Guess, I am not civilized…and cultured. I am not happening.

For me ‘Rolling Stones` are nothing but stones that gather no moss. ‘Beatles` are insects to be squished. ‘Beach Boys` are the ones that sell peanuts on the beach…thus disturbing Rekha and me during our quality time together. ‘RadioHead` for me is the small antenna atop my transistor. ‘Bob Dylan` and ‘Bob Marley` are two varieties of beer made from Barley.

‘Pink Floyd` is something pink that makes a lot of noise. ‘U2` and ‘U40` are two buses that will take me from Velachery (in Chennai) to Egmore (again in Chennai). ‘Led Zeppelin` is grandson of the man who invented the airborne Zeppelins used during WW1. ‘Smashing Pumpkins` is what we Indians do on the road to avoid the evil eye…and in the process kill so many motorists.

‘Madonna` is just a statue that cries (with tears of blood) whenever required. ‘Elvis Presley` is some printing press owned by a guy named Elvis. ‘Red Hot Chilli Peppers` is the Mexican food that Rekha likes so much, and I don`t. ‘FatBoy Slim` is the third atomic bomb US dropped on Japan – yes, the one that did not go off. ‘Nirvana` is nothing but a mental state of no noise. ‘The Eagles` are well…eagles.

‘Guns ‘n Roses` is just a phrase that means war and peace. For me ‘Aerosmith` is somebody who works on the iron used to build aeroplanes…somebody like a blacksmith. As for ‘Pearl Jam`…I guess it is ocean`s equivalent of a traffic jam, when many oysters (with pearls inside) jam up at a place and affect smooth functioning of the traffic.
‘Shania Twain` is Mark Twain`s sister …or is it the brother? As for ‘Grateful Death`…well it is a phrase used for somebody who should be grateful if allowed to die.

Like I said, I am not much of a music guy. I know no albums, no bands, and no singers.

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

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