My eyesight. My problems

On my Income Tax form it says ‘Check this box if you are blind.’ I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
Tom Lehrer, lecturing in “The Nature of Math”, 4/4/90

After seeing the movie Black, I have realized that our senses are really important. And among all, the ability to see is the most vital.

If eyesight was not important, why would Sanjay Leela Bhansali name his movie Black? If hearing was more important he could have named the movie ‘Silence.` Or if speaking was important, he could have named it ‘Gossip`.

Ironically, it is in this ‘seeing` department that I have a problem. The picture of mine atop the page was taken without my glasses. Perhaps, that`s the reason why I look so natural…I did not see the camera…neither did I know when the flash went off.

I have been wearing glasses ever since I was in class six. Wearing glasses changed my life forever. Now, the girls didn`t seem interested in me. It is only now that it is cool to be sporting a spectacle…in those days…spectacles were death sentences for your love life.

My tragic days in school forced me to become a shayar/poet. Here is my first shayari (written when I was in class Ten)-

Pyaar ke raasthe paar akele hain,
Agar chashma pehenthe hain,
tho ladkiyan dekhthi nahin.
Agar chasma utharthe hain,
Tho ladkiyan dikhti nahin.

When translated to English it means:

I am alone on the road of love,
For when I wear my glasses,
The girls don`t see me.
And when I don`t,
I can`t see the girls.

I being half-blind (without my glasses) have given Rekha an edge in our marital life. After our fights, I always find my spectacles missing…and only after I apologize to Rekha do I get them back.

I remember somebody had once said that for a marriage to be happy, a deaf man needs to marry a blind lady. How true. I would have preferred to be partially deaf instead. How much I wish I could open and shut my ears as I do my eyes. It could have benefited the whole mankind and saved them from the womankind.

Getting back to my poor eye-sight, my problem has reached such a high that today I don`t even see opportunities. Only yesterday, Rekha asked me if she could go to her native for five days. I refused. Only then did I realize that it was a good opportunity for me to be free of all hassles.

“Why me?,” I ask the Lord. There are so many people who have amazing eye-sight. Some are above 60 years old, but can drink straight from the bottle…why do I have to search for my glasses?

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

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