My Grandma didn’t go to Jail

Agreed my Grandmother only did her 4th Grade, but she was an intelligent lady. She worked for Indian International Group (IIG) – then India`s largest insurance group. She worked in the capacity of a stenographer (also known as stenos).

In the days before the bosses started liking their secretaries, the stenos were their favorites. So my Grandma had no problems at the office. I don`t want to reveal more info on my Grandma and upset my Grandpa, who is very net savvy (being a fisherman himself).

As I was saying, she was stationed in a very rowdy area in Jamshedpur (where I was born, and from where I take my first name ‘Jamshed`).

The vice-President of IIG was from Texas – the place where all the cowboys in the World come from, including US President George Bush. When all employees blamed the anti-social elements for not being able to make it to office on time and everyday, the V-P got a brilliant idea.

“Here, shoot whoever stops you from coming to office. And be here in time.” He said handing each employee a country-made revolver.

My Grandma was very kicked about getting a revolver. Her husband had been a Head constable before he turned a fisherman and yet he had only been given a long stick to scare the thieves away.

That evening when she got to the parking lot, she saw four men sitting in her car – an old white Premier Padmini. And even after seeing her, the four men did not budge…they kept on talking. This really put off my Grandma.

In a fit of anger (she had her anger waiting on her nose), she pulled out her newly attained country-made revolver and pointed at the four men.

“Get off the car, you bunch of anti-socials!” She shouted.

The men were surprised, but evacuated and ran for cover. After my Grandma fired a shot in the air, and they all ran helter-skelter and vanished.

After ensuring that it was safe to get into the car my grandma kept all the files in the backseat and took out her keys. She tried inserting the ignition key, but it would not go into the slot at all.

She got out of the car; looked around and spotted another white Premier Padmini parked a few meters away. She walked up to THAT car and tried her key, and it worked. The contended old lady drove to her house.

After four hours, a police inspector and four ashen-faced men rang the bell of my Grandma`s house. When my Grandma opened the door, all the four men pointed at my Grandma and said in unison: “This is the lady who tried to kill us and take away our Padmini Premier today evening!”

My Grandma never went to jail. Promise.

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

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