My small family and the Oscars

If I were an actor, I would have won an Oscar by now. I mean, I am all of 24-years old…but I am sure, I would have won it.

Damn it. It is easy. All I would need to know is…thank people. Those that signed me for the movie and those that helped me through my bad time. Aren`t all acceptance speeches about thanking people?

In fact, I could even score a brownie point saying that all credit goes to my wife Rekha. In a way, I would be telling the truth. She is the one who forced me to take up acting.

I was a very bad actor before marriage. When her father came to meet me, I even smelled of cigarettes. Later, I would know that there was something called ‘Method Acting,` in which one gets to use aids a la menthol candy or a Wrigley`s chewing gum to make the acting seem real.

Actually, he had asked me if I smoked, and I had said “No”.

When it comes to method acting, I am no Marlon Brando. What I mean to say is…that man kept cotton swabs inside his mouth to talk English like an Italian (that`s what I read), and he did go on to create ripples in the world of acting (seen Godfather?). But I did not quite succeed.

Once, Rekha called up to say that she was coming late and asked me to cook dinner. I decided on noodles, but was too tired so bought noodles from the nearby restaurant. Here is what I missed out from the standard Method Acting procedure –

1) I should have left some dirty dishes in the sink
2) I should have soiled the apron
3) I should have soiled the Gas stove
4) I should have left the Gas Cylinder switched on
5) I shouldn`t have left the polyethylene bag in which the parcel comes, on the dinning table
6) I should have misplaced the gas-lighter

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  • I was caught noodle-handed that day. Of course, now I am smarter and don`t commit such blunders.

    Sometimes, my way of acting runs into trouble…the other day she asked me to boil some milk and keep. And did you know…no shop sells boiled milk?

    Rekha is to me, what the Director of the movie God Father was to Marlon Brando.

    Over the last few months, I have honed my skills to higher levels. So much so, I have even convinced her that I don`t smoke. According to her, I have even given up drinking.
    Sometimes, I do have my own doubts….is she so gullible that I can work my way around her? Does she really believe me? Or is she also acting? And if she is….I guess the Oscar goes to…..Rekha Rajan!

    I have always had trouble with Noodles. Read this to know why I run away from noodles!

    By Jamshed V Rajan

    Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

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