Babies – some learnings

In my interaction with my baby daughter, I have come to know that they are quick learners, especially if they are girls. Take Rhea for example…yes, that`s what we have named her…Rhea has learnt the art of crying and not stopping till the end objective is achieved.

There must be some gene in the girls, which helps them to retain this characteristic till they reach the grave. What else can explain a 30-year-old-mother of a 30-day-old-girl baby crying? Boys somehow tend to lose this gene as they become teenagers.

I have also observed that babies have no ear for music. I once tried to stop my baby daughter from crying by singing the Hindi song β€˜dhoom machale` from the movie Dhoom, but she just wouldn`t lend me an ear. Rekha says I don`t sing well…but how is a baby to know? If music knows no language, I am sure it knows no age too!

When she was handed over to me in a bundle (click here to find out how much the bundle cloth cost me), I had found her so defenseless. Rhea had needed my help to even smile at the nurse who was holding her. In order to make my daughter smile, I was forced to get behind (real close) the nurse and place my head close to the nurse`s and make a lip-smacking noise. It is another thing that the nurse was frowning. Today, my daughter isn`t as defenseless. She is powerful and aggressive. In fact, I am told that all babies are like that – powerful and aggressive. So much so, they can beat young, able-bodied men in the race for breasts.

When I went to Kerala to see my daughter for the second time, I came to know that they don`t like plays either. For long I had tried to make her smile but she hadn`t responded. I complained to my mother-in-law who promptly advised me to hold her attention first and then try and make her smile. In short, I had to enact something.

So, when I was asked to take care of Rhea when the mother went for lunch…I enacted Shakespeare`s MacBeth for her. She didn`t smile throughout the show. It took me a while to realize that I had chosen a tragedy and should have instead gone for Shakespeare`s Comedy of Errors. The good thing is…Rhea wouldn`t grow up to be a stupid girl…for I heard a relative say, “All study and no play will make Rhea a dull girl.”

Click Here to read Ouchmytoe in a Feed ReaderMothers change after babies come into their lives. Take my wife for example…she doesn`t want me to kiss the baby (I am sure she secretly kisses Rhea when I am not looking). Initially, I was mad at my wife ….but now have worked my way around it.

For all those husbands who after becoming fathers have lost their territory…here is a tip: If your wife gives β€˜hanging cheeks of the baby` as reason for limiting your baby kisses…tell her that kisses are like fire-and-forget missiles…once one fires it…one loses all control over it…and it has to land at some place. If not the baby, it could be the mother`s cheeks. Upset with your regular pecking…your wife just might say: “Go to hell!”

Other Funny, Funnier, Funniest Reads

# Shopping for my baby daughter
# Baby Daughter`s Birth – Day one
# The initial months of pregnancy
# Our visit to a gynecologist
# I think I am pregnant

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

26 replies on “Babies – some learnings”

Thanks for sharing the learnings ! I dont think she is ready for Shakespeare yet ! I am told that a particular Jammy offers free downloads of fun stuff at a certain Ouchmytoe ! Try that !! It works πŸ™‚

Rhea.. very nice name.. I gave my niece the same name and she spells it a bit differently.. “Riya”..happy kissing..

Nice name Rhea.

here is a word of wisdom. dont shoot too many “fire-and-forget missiles” else you may get some “Hand-to-Head missiles” like “belan, glasses, plates, frying pan” running after you life.

mate, you are trying too hard for everything. give her time and things will start falling in place. btw, have you thought of a name for her blog. i am sure she would want to take up the khandani passion!

fire and forgot missiles… thankkoooo jammmeeeeeee…
next time my mallu connection asks me to explain, y i fired a missile, i have an answer to stay..

Rhea Rajan Jamshed Velayuda quite fasinating name πŸ™‚ Dear Jammy how about writing about daily medical ailings of life like falling sick, chickenpox, etc etc .. only a person who is capable of finding humor in each and every thing can write on such subject and give relief to readers.. i think you are quite capable for it

Jammy! Rhea.. what struck me immediately was that you are an anti-fan of Ekta Kapoor, for you have removed the K off you other loved one,Rekha and named your daughter Rhea…

NK: yep…not south. i figured she wud anyway spend most of her time in mumbai – isn’t that the place for most famous writers – so why give her a southie name

Arun: ha ha ha…awesome observation man. escaped my eye too…but is this proof of me being anti-Ekta? What about all those serializations i did? dont u consider them as tributes

Rhea is a nice name.
Hey Jammy, I forgot to tell one thing. I was in Chennai last week and had a narrow escape from a silver colored swift, when I was crossing the road from Central railway station. From that moment, whenever I saw any silver colored swift on the road (Saw only twice or thrice), I wondered whether it was you…

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