One for the road

I have realized that we can drastically improve the transport system of the World…we only need radical thinkers like me and a load of money.

Instead of some 10,000 bikes and cars burning fuel (and rubber) on the road to move ahead…how would it be if the vehicles stay put and the road moved? Our scientist President could devise a methodology to move the road like an escalator. He can`t always spend time with the children…he needs to work too.

To start with, only the arterial (or simply put…the main) roads will have this escalator like facility.

When I start from home, I will use the regular tar roads to reach the escalator-roads and then put my Yamaha on the stand, and sit on it. The other bikers will follow suit. The cars and other vehicles will get onto the road and switch off their vehicles. Imagine the amount of petrol/diesel we would save.

All this while, the escalator-roads will keep moving forward…at its own speed. If the speed limit on that road is 40 kms/hour it is enough if the operator of the escalator-road follows the rule. We guys just wait for the next stop where we get off the escalator-road and move on to the tar-road.

This way…besides the fuel costs, we can also cut down on the huge salaries (read Rs 5,000…why do you think they are corrupt?) traffic policemen get. We won`t need the Highway Patrol because nobody would be speeding and hence nobody to chase. The accidents will also be less…so less of Doctors and Nurses…we can save on their salaries too.

With less of accidents, the Insurance companies won`t have to shell out insurance money to every 10th person. They will definitely stand to gain…and thus would want to sponsor more such roads. It would not occur to them then that if all the roads in the World are safe, why would anybody insure at all? And big insurance companies will start investing in escalator-roads.

Now, the journey from my house to office takes 45 minutes and I spend so much of my energy trying to avoid hitting other vehicles and trying to chase pretty girls on Kinetic Hondas. All this energy could be better used…probably to write love letters, which I could handover to the girls sitting on Kinetic Hondas, waiting for the escalator-road to reach their office.

Soon, there would be tea-shops and/or smoke-shops where you can recharge yourself while you are traveling. These shops will do brisk business because the travelers won`t have anything else to do. Eventually, demand for white shirts will come down. Don`t get the connection…it is easy. After all, the escalator-roads would be moving when the people try and have a tea/coffee…and who likes a coffee-stained white shirt?

The good thing is…there would be no traffic-jams and no man-holes. I would miss them. In fact…all will miss them. It is difficult to be suddenly pulled apart from something you have lived with for 30 years.

There will be no traffic lights too. The existing ones will be pulled apart by the street urchins and sold to the kabadi wala. The remaining will be termed historic monuments by the Archaeological Society of India. Soon we would have functions where the President of India and the Prime Minister come and lay wreaths at the traffic lights in memory of all those that lost their lives in the days of the tar-roads.

The escalator-roads would become popular with the users and soon the tar-roads will become extinct. Remember, the Insurance companies are investing in escalator-roads?
All the roads would now travel, and people will bring their bikes and cars and wait for the roads to reach their destination…after which they would roll out in their cars/bikes and reach home.

This would continue for more than 50 years …and one day some radical thinker like me would write an article on why the people don`t need cars and bikes (and other vehicles) to travel by road. If they have to just sit, why do they need cars…won`t wooden chairs do?

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

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