Optimist vs Pessimist

[This scene is enacted in Dublin, an up-market pub in Chennai where I have never set my foot]

Optimist: I would say the glass is half full.
Pessimist: If you ask me, it is half empty. But who is going to pay for it?
Optimist: We could go Dutch…you pay for the half full part, I will pay for the half empty part.
Pessimist: OK. So it means only I pay for the drink?
Optimist: You get to pay for me mate…look at the bright side?

[Turning to the sides]

Pessimist: What bright side? The pub is dim lit…you dimwit.
Optimist: Gosh…it was just a phrase. Are you a pessimist.
Pessimist: No way. I come from a very optimistic family. One of my uncles was be-headed by the Taliban in Afghanistan…and he still believed he had a 50-50 chance. The stupid Indian Embassy people put him in a coffin…and he died of asphyxiation.
Optimist: That`s nothing. My uncle would call that pessimism. Two days before he was to be hanged for murder…he joined VLCC Fitness Center.
Pessimist: OK…I lose.

Optimist: Look at me…I even fill the Hindu crosswords in ink.
Pessimist: What? I am surprised you even fill them …I don`t event attempt them.
Optimist: You should try. Give up smoking…and spend that time looking at the crosswords.
Pessimist: I gave up hope.
Optimist: That`s not the same thing mate. By the way, yesterday I saw an advertisement for Polo – a mint with a hole.
Pessimist: Yes. I saw the advertisement too…but I could only see the hole.
Optimist: That was my point. You are a pessimist.
Pessimist: Nope. I am not.

Optimist: OK. What does a light at the end of the tunnel mean to you?
Pessimist: The headlight of a fast approaching train? Correct?
Optimist: You are a born pessimist.
Pessimist: Are you saying that my answer was wrong?
Optimist: Yes.
Pessimist: How about it being a lamppost at the end of the tunnel?
Optimist: Great. A light…that shows you the way.
Pessimist: Precisely. That is if they don`t switch it off due to budgetary constraints.
Optimist: I am dead sure…you are a pessimist.
Pessimist: OK! Fine! I give up! I am a pessimist…but for every aeroplane invented by an optimist…we have invented parachutes…and for every ship invented by an optimist…we have invented lifejackets!

Moral of the Story: The World needs all kinds.

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at jv.rajan@gmail.com or message him at +919650080255.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *