Family, Featured

Shopping for my baby daughter

Shopping at Mother Care, Chennai was quite an experience. For those who have been lucky enough not to shop in the place, Mother Care is a store that caters to pregnant women and babies born thereafter. My wife who is still in Kannur REQUESTED me to visit them and buy some clothes for our Miss Sleepy.

No price can be put on the first dress that a father buys for his daughter. And when I say ‘no price` I mean ‘no price`. That`s why I was mighty upset when the salesman said the pink colored 7 inch by 9 inch dress will cost me Rs 500/-.

Why would anybody want to buy a baby dress for Rs 500/- when one can get a Color Plus trouser for two hundred rupees more (at a sale, of course). I ditched clothes and looked for a utility bag for us to carry the baby stuff around – it was labeled Rs 3000/-. The baby trolley`s price range started at Rs 8000/- and thankfully ended at Rs 25,000/-. The baby car seat started at Rs 7000/- and went on till Rs 16,000/-. Somebody needs to tell Mother Care that not all fathers who like to carry their babies in a car seat rob banks!

I wondered if God was punishing me for wanting to carry the Rajan`s family name forward. Or was he punishing somebody else…and I just happened to be in line?

And, then it stuck me.

In spite of Father Francis` best efforts I had failed to understand the story around Adam, Eve, the apple and the punishment given by God for disobeying him. After my visit to Mother Care, Chennai…it was all clear to me.

For the benefit of those whose parents didn`t believe in God and thus never narrated the story of how God created man, here is how it goes:

God sat down to create the most intelligent of all living beings and after a lot of thought decided that Adam should be created first….for had he created Eve first, he would have been forced to create Adam according to Eve`s wishes.

Even as God worked on Adam, Eve would have said: “Why don`t you give him four hands – he will not ask me to hold the stool while changing the light bulb.”

She would have probably even said: “Can`t you make that thing a little longer?”

So, the intelligent God made Adam first. He walked a few steps back, and looked at him with pride in his eyes. Some say that having practiced creating a human being, God then went about creating woman and came up with a better product. I would rather not believe this – for there is no “New & Improved” tag on any woman. Neither is there a tag which says: “With features not seen in earlier versions.”

Anyway, after creating the two, God went about his other chores like – pissing (which we consider as rain), farting (storm, typhoon, cyclone), smiling (lightening – remember the best dentists in the world are in hell and he can use their help), and cleaning his ears (the white clouds that you see are the dirty cotton he throws down with utter disregard for global warming).

Before parting, God asked Adam & Eve not to eat the forbidden fruit – an apple which grew nearby. I am glad Adam and Eve didn`t listen to God and ate the apple anyway- for if they hadn`t we would have had no blogging in the World. But seriously, I think it was God`s mistake that he created Adam and Eve at the wrong age… as teenagers (maybe a 17-year old Eve and 19-year old Adam). An age when you always want to break rules and see what could go wrong.

If only God had created a 33-year old Eve and a 35-year old Adam, they would have listened to him and not ate the apple. Don`t believe me? Ever asked a 35-year old office colleague to break a rule? Especially if he/she is your boss?

So, our teenager Adam and Eve broke the rule and God in a fit of rage shouted: You will be punished” before walking away into the sunset.

Just then Adam looked at Eve as if he were a librarian accepting a book back from one of the students and said: “Hey, there is a leaf missing.”

RSS Feed IconNine months later they have a baby – a baby boy. I forget his name…maybe one of the readers knows what Adam & Eve`s baby boy was called. The proud parents looked at the baby and felt elated. Though they never knew then that there was something called heaven (for Vatican hadn`t invented it yet), they were in 7th heaven.

Out of curiosity, Eve asked Adam, “Remember God had said we will be punished?”

“Yeah.” Adam had started what husbands today do – passive listening.

‘Where is the punishment? It has been ten month since he swore at us…and our life has only gotten better. We have invented sex, and now even have a baby.” Eve was doing what all women do today – asking questions which are difficult to answer.

“No idea.” Adam said.

“Anyway, can you buy some clothes for our son?” Eve didn`t want her son to grow up the way she grew up – without enough clothes to wear.

“Where do I get good clothes?” The good for nothing Adam asked.

“Why not try Mother Care in T Nagar, Chennai. Heard it is good.”

See…I told you…I just happened to be in line.

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