The year was 2003 A.D. The characters were the Hero (let us call him Rahul, since all heros have that name), the Heroine (let us call her Priya, since all heroines ..whatever blah) and the Villain (let us call him…well…Jammy).
Those were the innocent days. Days when you didn`t talk dirty to ladies unless it was on Yahoo chat and the asl was 23, F, US. The talk was dirtier if it was a guy pretending to be sex-starved lady from North Americas.
While we are at it, I might as well tell you why the United States of America isn`t named United Countries & Kingdom….because then the asl of an average lady would be 23, F, UCK. (Didn`t get it? Read again).
Our story begins when I used to chat with no less than eight women at the same time, for hours on end to eventually find that five of them were men desperate for any kind of action. Believe me, it is true. I have been on both sides.
During one such chat session, suddenly the whole room brightened up. A pretty girl – maybe 23-24 years old had walked into the room wearing a white salwar.
I wasn`t the only star-stuck desperate man in the room. I looked at my friend nearby, who was known as the guy who went online with 19 women at the same time, and asked: “Who is she?”
“Don`t even bother. She has been taken.” He dived deep into the Samsung monitor again.
“Do you always give the bad news first?” I insisted.
“Her name is Priya. Is a highly educated girl and won`t fall for you.” He went back to the key-board banging that he was known for.
Back then ‘highly educated` meant the person was a Management Trainee. That was quite a dampener…for anybody who wasn`t a MT was a class D employee.
“She is really pretty.” I kept staring at her.
“Tell that to her boyfriend. He will be happy to know.”
Back then, I did think that if you told a man that his girl was pretty the man was bound to be happy. Apparently, that isn`t true always. It works when she is your girl friend…but doesn`t when she becomes you wife.
I learnt it on the day of our marriage when one of Rekha`s college mates walked up to the dais, handed his gift to my newly, and lawfully wedded wife Rekha, and turned towards me and said: “Your wife is pretty.”
I pulled the guy to a corner, and whispered in his ears: “You don`t need to tell me. Why do you think I married her?” Even as he sulked and walked away…I couldn`t help shouting, “By the way, GKB Opticals in Adyar is good.”
I notice that I have been drifting quite a bit. Looks like this post is going to be a two-part series.
Within a few minutes I had decided to hunt down Priya`s boy friend and see if he really cared about her. What if he was just fooling around and would end up hurting her? I wouldn`t have liked that and Rajans don`t let such things happen even if it meant laying down one`s life.
Needless to say, her boy friend was a well educated guy (an MT!) and his name was Rahul. I decided to be mean to him…how could he deprive me of my life`s happiness?
I got my chance within two days when I met him near the water cooler. He smiled at me. I didn`t. First mean act.
Next, I saw him in the food line at the cafeteria, standing just behind me. I took my own time helping myself with the palak paneer (though I don`t like it and threw it later) and delayed his lunch by three minutes. Second mean act.
Like men, we met at the smoking joint a week later. He had a cigarette, but didn`t have a light. When he asked me if I had a light…I refused in spite of having a box of matches inside my trouser pocket. Third mean act.
I had decided to make Rahul`s life hell by being mean to him forever but couldn`t. After 36 acts of meanness I realized I had to start talking to him.
That`s when I….
(The abrupt stop in this post has been inspired by the television serials. Hope it helps in keeping the interest levels high)
Part two to be published shortly