Conversation between an Indian man and a British woman

My father often told me: “The son never sits in the British Empire.” As a result, I forced myself to work hard – getting up at 5 am and going to bed at 10 pm – and achieving a lot of things as I grew into a full-blown-up man. My father is no more, but I still don’t sit.

My world came down crashing when yesterday I realized that my father had been saying the line wrong. It is actually: “The sun never sets in the British Empire.”

This post is about the British, who treated us like slaves but left behind a nice railway system so that the likes of Laloo Prasad Yadavs and Mamta Banerjees could give their relatives free lifetime passes.

With a renewed interest in the British Empire, I looked up my contacts list and found a British friend named Rosemarie Sutherland. I called her up and here is the discussion that happened:

“Hey Rosemarie, how are you doing? Long time, eh?” I enquired.

“Blooming blighter, where have you been all these days?” She did seem excited.

“I have been good. Now….am married with a four-year-old child. So, this call isn’t about phone sex.”

“That’s great! Hope all well. Why the sudden call?” She wanted to get to the point as soon as possible.

“Well, actually…wanted to speak to you about the British Empire. My father always said ‘The sun never sets in the British Empire’….what did he mean by that?” I also didn’t want to waste any of her time.

“Your father was bloody right. God wouldn’t trust a Britisher in the dark…so he didn’t let the sun set on our Empire.”

“Seriously?” She had caught me by the balls, by her this statement.

“Yes, true. Did you think we were patriotic warriors? No! We wanted to escape the bollocks weather here in Britain…always rainy & foggy….so left the shores and enslaved countries like yours for the warm weather.”

“Very brave & intelligent move.” I was all appreciative of the Englishmen now.

“Not really. If we were intelligent, why did we give away all of our empire and keep England? We should have kept the rest of the good countries & given England.” She knew what she was talking about.

“So, besides all the wealth you guys plundered…you also got to stay in warm weather. Anything else you gained in the process?”

Rosemarie was quiet for a few seconds & then responded: “Bugger…you are missing out the Butter chicken…and…hmm…tandoori chicken.”

“Ahh! Didn’t think of that. By the way, how is your royalty? How are they adjusting to the fact that they no longer have the whole world at their feet?”

“The Royalty is gormless. More like unstained teeth in a decaying mouth.”

I had always wondered why Kate & William hadn’t come to India to start their married life with a visit to the Vaishno Devi mata temple in North India. Rosemarie’s statement explained it…they were just gormless. Whatever it meant.

“So does your royalty have any regrets?” I persisted.

“Well, that blighter queen has only one regret – that she didn’t climb over the Buckingham Palace fence to watch a movie when she could. Now she is too old for that.”

“And do you commoners have any regrets about the Royalty?” I asked an innocent question.

“Not really. We only get excited for three things – soccer matches, beating up the immigrants & discussing the royalty….so no…we don’t hate our royalty.”

I had one last question, besides my ISD bill was going up with every second, so I quickly asked Rosemarie: “Anything, you want to ask me?”

Rosemarie was quick at her feet: “Yes….I want to know if you guys benefited from us.”

“Definitely…though Great Britain was a Nosey Parker, you guys did unite us, give us the railway system and the English language.”

“Now don’t you go off your rocker and start thanking us.” She definitely hated her country.

“Sure Rosemarie. Thanks for your time. And have a good wet, foggy day!”

“Wait…wait don’t hang up as yet. I have one last question. Do you have titles such as Lord, Sir, Prince, Princess, or Dame to differentiate between the class & the cattle?

“Hmm…no we don’t have such titles. But we do have red beacons that differentiate the class from the cattle. OK then, catch you sometime later. Bye.”


Growing Up

Funny photos of dads and their kids: a tribute to fatherhood

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It is easy to father a child but it is not so easy to be a dad. Especially when the mother is not around. Handling pocket-sized dynamites is a task for large teams (or mothers) and not for individuals. This is why it is always fun to look at funny photos of dads and their kids.

The team has selected the funniest images of fathers and their children for you. If you know a father who is as cool, do share this funny fathers complication with them.

Funny photos of dads and their kids

Dads bring up street smart kids. Kids who can get their way in the big, bad world.

Dads have always used brute force to carry their kids. Not the nice curvy hips which the moms have to settle their kids in. This is why dads have always had to figure out innovative ways of carrying their kids.

We think it is alright for a daddy to get confused with identical twins. Here is a creative way to identify one’s twins. The only issue is – the dad will always have to seek the aerial route.

Which dad doesn’t want his son to grow up like him. But with a green mustache? Are we talking of Peter Pan here? No wait…even Peter Pan didn’t have a green mustache.

The cap this kid is wearing is a nice homemade recipe for disaster. But hey, with a cap like that which girl wouldn’t want to chew his head off?

When you are a father, Boney M’s By the Rivers of Babylon takes a whole new meaning.

Now that looks like a father who is in control of the mayhem. That’s four kids in a single bath tub. Well done, dad!–nagUAa/

If it is summer and you still need to go out to battle, this is just the right attire. Keeps you cool in body and in soul. Yet again, a great dad at work.

Who says dads take parenting lightly. Just look at this father. He has come well-prepared. Too prepared. With this kind of preparation, he can handle a battalion of babies.

Now that’s a father who knows his animal kingdom well. Is the kid an octopus? Or is he a squid? Whatever the father’s intentions, the child is definitely excited.

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It is kids who get trained like this by their fathers who grow up to become James Camerons and make blockbusters like Avatar etc.

A happy dad ensures a happy kid. Just because a father is taking care of a baby doesn’t mean he shouldn’t take care of himself. Well done, sire!

Fathers would do whatever it takes to make their kids smile. This father goes all the distance – two feet higher to be precise.

Either the dad was too lazy or the mother hadn’t kept the kid’s clothes outside to make the father’s life easier. Whatever be the case here, kids have a tendency to look cuter when they have been dressed up by fathers.

Air conditioning not working and the baby is going cranky in the summer? No worries. This father has the perfect solution for bringing down the temperature a bit.

If you are a mother and have a daughter at home, please advise her. Tell her never to ask her father for hair styling ideas – this is not what tying one’s hair in a bun means!

And we are sure the dog did all of this.

Why should dads stop taking care of their kids when they grow up? We at think taking care of each other should continue, till the last drop is done.

Know a cool father or an equally fantastic mother? Share this page with them!