Kissing – how it all began

Kissing is fine if it is within the five walls of the house. Yes, ours is a unique house. Once, outside…it is a big mess. Unless of course, you live in the US of A or the fashion capital (or French capital?) Paris.

After the Kareena Kapoor-Shahid Khan kissing episode that hit the headlines of most newspapers, I was left wondering how kissing could become so important in the life of a man (or an woman). So, I tried to do a trace-back…

Flashback: To the days of innocence days – well before the French people decided on a Cabinet-ranking Minister for Love, and Amsterdam decided on a Mayor for the guys (or gays?) who were not straight, and Nelson Madela witnessed his own son`s death due to AIDS.

Venue: Garden of Eden (Not the cricket venue, stupid!)

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Adam and Eve were having some good quality time. God has given them a fruit and asked them not to eat it. And the twosomes are discussing weather they would be well within the rule of law if they take a bite.

As usual, it is the lady who is more adventurous of the two.

“Adam, why do you think God has asked us not to eat this fruit?,” Eve asks.

“Maybe God wants to eat it.” Adam`s reasoning is as simple as a man can get.

But the curiosity in woman was noticeable even then: “If he wants to eat it, why would he give it to us? Is he hiding it from his wife? But is he married at all? Never seen him and his wife together…hope their marriage is safe.” Eve comments.

“God knows.” A God-fearing Adam exclaims.

“Trying to be funny huh?” Eve censures him.

Eventually, as happens in all our homes, Eve wins the argument. She eats the fruit. Since, there were no fruit knifes, and no salad forks in those days…a few pieces of the fruit stick to Eve`s rosy little cheeks. On seeing this Adam, who is scared of God (as most men are), tries removing the pieces on Eve`s cheeks using his lips. That was the first ever kiss recorded on Mother Earth.

You would ask me why he did not use his hands to remove the fruit pieces. That is because, he was holding two plantain leaves to cover his front and behind (Remember they did not have Tibre trousers then). The plantain leaves are probably the reason why a school of thought believes that Adam and Eve were South Indians.

Since Adam cared for Eve, in the sense he did not want Eve to be scolded by God for eating the fruit…touching ones lips on the other`s cheeks or any other part was soon associated with ‘caring`.

When Adam`s Family (not the scary ones you see on Cartoon Network) grew, the relatives started putting their lips to their children`s cheeks to show that they cared. They would do this when they went hunting and when they returned.

Since some of the parents did not share all of the meat they hunted, with their children, sometimes the children were scared of their parents. And kissing sometimes got associated with reverence and subordination – as happens to this day with the kings and queens…and bosses…we kiss ass.

Over a period of time the cavemen realized that kissing was not always the chore that it was made out to be – if only you chose your partner right. Now kisses turned romantic and passionate. They became more intense and prolonged. Young guys started choosing young girls and vice-versa.

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Then, human beings had loads of body hair. To top it, there was no brushing of teeth, no shaving, and no bathing. Kissing on the lips could have been quite a chore…so to avoid a certain black out while kissing, the couple decided to keep their noses as far away from their partner as possible. This is why even today we notice that a couple will often turn their heads to one side or another when kissing.

The French have always wanted to be different. “If the Britishers can do it with their mouths closed, we can do one better…we can keep our mouths open.” That was the origin of the French kiss.

Today…one doesn`t need to be a learned French Scholar to be an exponent of French kissing. By the way, did I tell you…I know nothing of French!

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

9 replies on “Kissing – how it all began”

But you didn’t mention the last part. Attracted by the bits of forbidden fruit, some ants came and bit Adam on his ass. His reflex action, since then is termed as ‘adamant’.


Hmmm … How come God did not come looking for His apple? Or was it intentional (a plot): He wanted Adav and Eve to kiss (and so lead them on to procreation)?
And wahy was dam holding banana leaves BEFORE he has kissed the apply off of his … er … his companion?!
Methinks some more in-depth research is called for …

Hmmm … How come God did not come looking for His apple? Or was it intentional (a plot): He wanted Adav and Eve to kiss (and so lead them on to procreation)?
And why was Adam holding banana leaves BEFORE he had kissed the apply off of his … er … his companion?!
Methinks some more in-depth research is called for …

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