Thirty year olds

This post is in a form of a mail and is dedicated (and addressed) to a regular reader called ‘Wrongone`, who turned thirty on 6th Jan, 2006 but was disappointed when he had nothing to read on this Blog on his big day.

Here is a comment he left on this blog…

Complaint: I turned 30 today, which means I have lived half my life. Obviously it is a sad feeling. I thought I will get to read a good post here which will lift my spirits. But nothing 🙁

Dear Wrongone,

My apologies. I was caught up with work and couldn`t write for the whole of last week. But I am going to make up for it by dedicating this post to you.

Thirty is a nice age; to stop looking at girls. If your eye-specialist has his way you will soon start wearing glasses. Or if you already wear contacts, you will start thinking of them as a hassle and shift to glasses. The problem with glasses is…when you wear them, girls don`t see you….and when you don`t wear them…you can`t see the girls.

You probably think that eating carrots will help you ignore glasses. Not possible. Agreed, we have all never seen a rabbit wearing glasses…but believe me eating carrot daily can`t improve one`s eye-sight (I am no Doctor!).

The ‘girls` problem is not much of an issue if you are already married. But if you are not…but are above 30, I wouldn`t suggest you go on a honeymoon. Try to spend quality time at home with your wife. For I know a 35-year old friend of mine who went on a weeklong honeymoon.

“So, how was it?” I remember asking him.

“We had physical contact nearly all week!”

“Wow man!” I faintly remember becoming jealous.

“I mean…we nearly had physical contact on Monday, then nearly had physical contact on Tuesday, then nearly had physical contact on Wednesday…went on till Saturday and then we came back home.” I didn`t have the heart to wish him good times, and just walked away.

The moral of the story is, at age 30+, there is very little physical contact in a man`s life. Ask Shoba De…and she is bound to say that men deserve the ill-treatment.
But I ask why should a 30+ guy`s sex life get restricted to seeing and thinking?

There are some exceptions too. For I have an 86-year-old uncle who wanted to marry a 21-year-old Tamil model. After we persisted, he decided to take our family doctor`s advice before tying the knot.

I was also there in the room when the doctor advised my uncle, “Dear grandpa…I would suggest you don`t get married to the 21-year old girl.”

“Why?”

“Physical contact with a 21-year-old could be fatal.” The doctor was trying to be as polite to my uncle as possible. After all, he wanted his fee.

My uncle just shrugged his shoulders and said something that pulled the rug off my feet. He said: “If she dies…she dies. Can`t help it.”

Dear wrongone…not everybody gets as lucky as my 86-year old uncle. Your 30th birthday is also beginning of the stage in life where when one door closes…another slams on your face.

Soon enough, you would have so much experience as baggage that you would be the perfect example of pessimism. After all, aren`t pessimists well-informed optimists?

On a serious note…I am just making this up.

Life doesn`t suck unless you are at least 60 years old (and that gives you 30 more years). It is only after you are 60 that your grand children develop an attachment for you…and in all probability stick it to your mouth so you can`t speak!

One simple doubt: If I have to order Marijuana by phone…do I press the ‘hash` key?