When Security increases

Yesterday South Indian actress Jyothika came to our office, and the whole building was cordoned off. She had requested for extra layer of security coz, it seems she is not good at handling crowd.

This made me think. In future, the World will be full of criminals, who want to rob, kidnap or kill. And since the voters will be intelligent (hopefully) the Government will have to do something about the crime rate. And since, it cannot sieve out the criminals from the society at will, the Govt will be forced to take samples of DNA, urine, stool, hair, blood, fingerprints etc from everybody on this planet.

This database will help to sort out criminals as soon as they commit the crime. With so much at stake, the criminals will get jobs. Most of them will end up becoming professional hackers.

But, with the decline of crime the Govt will not be able to return all the samples. Besides, too much of logistics…they would have started smelling. One can safely expect the Govt to get stricter, to keep the crime rate down.

Here are a few experiences you could be part of in such an age –

1) You walk into an ATM, give a sample of your stool and wait for the report that confirms your identity, and then withdraw your money.

2) When you go to pick up your bike/car from the parking lot, the security guard will scarp some plastic from the handles/steering wheel and send it for DNA testing. You will get the bike once the DNA report confirms your claim.

3) To get into your office, you will have to stand before an apparatus that will pluck both your eyes and take it to the Server room, where all the replicas of employees` eyes are stored. Once the replica is found and you identity is confirmed, the apparatus will bring back your eyes and place them in your sockets. You really do not have to worry about the blind period because it will last only a few seconds. Vice-Presidents and above will have only one of their eyes plucked.

4) For security reasons the toilet for your house will be outside. To enter your house, all you need to do is go to the toilet and take a dump. The mechanized toilet that it would be, a stool analysis will be done within seconds and when you flush a confirmation report on toilet paper will appear from behind the potty. And the door to your house will open.

If you want to know access details of anything in particular, let me know by posting a comment. Will get back to you.

Yours truly,

Security Consultant to the Govt,
28th May, 2035

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

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