Month: July 2006

I didn`t realize but I have been quoted in this news item on Blog Bans, without my knowledge.

One of the many prizes that I have to recieve for being a celebrity blogger 😉

Rekha and I are turning out to be a flashy couple, what with appearing in the newspapers at regular intervals. Who cares that the last time both of us made it to the papers was when our parents jointly issued an advertisement when we went missing during the honeymoon.

Rekha was quoted in Monday`s The Hindu`s Chennai Edition of Education Plus. To read her views on the “INTERESTING” topic called elearning Click Here.

I remember going places before marriage. Not that I am not going places after marriage – I mean, I bought an iron box, a three-legged stool, a Motorola Razr V3i, a Suzuki Swift and a single bed for myself only after marriage.

When I say I am not going places after marriage, I meant literally. Before marriage, Rekha and I would be raring to get out of the house on both week days and week ends. After marriage, we are raring to get in. Given below are some of the places we used to visit before marriage.

Temples – This was a tricky place. Since one could go to the temples only early in the morning the onus of picking her up from her hostel at 7 a.m. was mine. My first lie in our relationship – which ironically, brought us even closer – originated in a temple.

As soon as we came out of the Ashtalakshmi Temple in Besant Nagar, Chennai, Rekha asked me: “So what did you pray for?”

“Nothing.” I don`t know what was wrong with my answer for Rekha immediately got upset. She said, like a true life-partner to-be, I should have prayed for our marriage and kids and in-laws etc. When her lecture went on and on for what seemed like eternity…I delivered my lie: “Rekha, you know what…I did pray for all that. Elders say that telling our prayers to others renders it ineffective…now if we don`t get married…it is your fault, not mine.”

Like it happens after each of my strategically placed lies, Rekha didn`t open her mouth for a week.

Parks – Rekha has been spoiled by romantic movies of Jeetendra and Dev Anand and Rishi Kapoor where the hero-heroine roll around the park and dirty their clothes. Rekha and I did try that…but I ended up buying a washing machine. Once we even got censured by the watchman for sitting too close to each other. I told him we were married…but he wouldn`t believe us. When I persisted, he said: “Once married, couples don`t come here…and I have been here long enough to know that.” Unfortunately, I failed to heed to the God-sent warning.

Theme Parks – This was one of the places where I could play big brother. Rekha was never the adventurous types (why else would she marry me?) and thus hated theme parks. But I loved it…not for the rides…but because the time spent inside was the only time I had an upper hand over Rekha.

Theatre – We started going to theatres (not the movie theatres, but the drama types) after one of Rekha`s friends ridiculed her for not being the theatre-type. I am yet to figure out what a theatre-type is…but that hasn`t really mattered…because though I never enjoyed theatre…I loved the girls who come there wearing noodle-straps.

After our marriage the places we visit together have changed. We started off by visiting Rekha`s office – because I was now expected to drop her (sob! sob!). We frequent Rekha`s relative`s house in Chennai followed by the houses of my married friends. Weekly once we also make a visit to the vegetable market. Once a month…we attend a marriage in some city hall. But I never tell the bridegroom that he is not going places!

If a wife puts poison in her husband’s pea soup, how will the husband die?

Update: The husband dies peas-fully!

“Would you want to make love today?”

“I fixed the DVD player for you.”

“Can you tune into Ten Sports, please?”

“Your mother just called.”

“I sent some money to my parents.”

“I had this boy friend once….”

“I loved the dumb bells you gifted me.”

“My girl friends find you hot.”

“I love Bipasha Basu and Mallika Sherawat.”

Ouchmytoe will leave the tenth slot open for you. Leave your tenth sentence in the comment box…

At the peak of the Blog Ban saga, I had a got a call from a pretty girl called Ranjitha Gunasekaran of Indian Express. I know she must be pretty because most of them somehow find a way to get in touch with me.

The day was July 17 and she was calling to pick my brains about the ban. It felt good to get a call from the newspaper where I had started my career way back in 1999…and went to on to put in 18 months of meritorious service.

For long I wondered who would have turned Judas against me? Who would have told Ranjitha that I am into giving quotes? Apparently it was Aishwarya Rai…oops Rao, who maintains this blog – http://aishwaryarao.blogspot.com.

The article made it to print and you can see it here.

Sincere thanks to Kartik Kannan of Sulekha for scanning the newspaper.

Before marriage I was of the belief that one person can never crowd one`s world. Apparently that`s false…and unfortunately I learnt that after marriage. I will try to be subtle here and not name the person who has crowded my life.

Since Friday last (21st July) my life has taken a turn for the worse. My family from Madurai – which includes my mother, two sisters and brother-in-law – is here in Chennai.

The Pandiyan Express was sharp as usual – it crept into the Railway station exactly at 5.45 a.m….time when the warriors of night were losing a pitched battle against the warriors of day. Through the battlefront, I saw my family getting down from the train…four of them. All heavily armed…with suitcases, bags, parcels, and stainless steel containers for murruku and adirasam. From afar, I counted the pieces of luggage…there were 18 in all….not including my family members.

As I walked towards them, I felt like King Porus (Greek for the name Puru)…the King of Paurava…who had surrendered to Alexander the Great only after his whole army was destroyed. Believe me, I am a man who fights his wars with drops of adrenalin…the moment my body stops secreting adrenalin …I lose the war. It doesn`t matter if I have Rekha standing behind me or I have the US Army which is now trying to control Iraq, with me.

“I thought you will be leaving in four day`s time?” I asked.

“Your brother-in-law will leave early and the rest of us will stay back for a week or so.” It was my mother. She has a way about her that forces you to keep quite for at least ten minutes after she delivers a sentence, lest you kindle an erupting volcano. I kept quite.

I have always had trouble handling relatives who believed in the age old Indian tradition ‘Atithi Devo Bhavah’. For those of you who don`t know ‘Atithi Devo Bhavah’ means – Guest is God. Scary huh? For me the three words have always meant a marketing campaign started by Ministry of Tourism, Government of India.

Even as my thoughts raced, both my sisters said in unison: ‘How much we wish we could stay in Chennai forever!”

My brother-in-law pierced a spear in my heart by saying: “I have already started loving the Chennai air. Wonder if I should call up office and extend my leave.”

In life there are moments when you gain points by arguing (like in a NDA, CDS, IIM, IIT Group Discussion) and there are moments in life when you gain points by keeping quite. I kept quite.

We could have got a porter. My mother spotted a man in red and shouted: “Coolie!”

“Excuse me?” The man in red looked confused.

“Come here. I want you to move these pieces to my son`s car outside. By the way, how much will you charge?”

“Madam, I think you are mistaken. I am not a coolie….I am just wearing a red shirt.”

Even as my mom stood their dumbstruck wondering at the latest fashion in Chennai, I had picked up the bags and started walking towards the car.

When we reached my Swift, my sister exclaimed: “Wow, you got a car!”

I am not good in math so could only do a rough head-count of the number of people who turned their heads to see us…some 87 of them. I even overheard somebody saying: “The way the girl shrieked, I wonder if he has actually stolen the car.”

I have convinced my brother-in-law to take up podcasting. Here is his first podcast – in Tamil…awesome.

Let me know what you think. Click here to listen.