A lonely, desperate man

Have you ever been desperate? If you are a lady, you probably DON`T know how it feels…but a man will understand. A man, who is short, dark and makes no sense to pretty girls will understand it better. Just in case you don`t know, I am short, dark and make no sense to girls…somebody like GB Shaw. >> See his picture

GB Shaw

Gb Shaw

Some of you might argue that GB Shaw made no sense to the girls because he was intelligent. But that`s not the point I am debating here.

Anyway, I have been home alone for the last 25 days. Rekha has been away since April 12 and my girl friend has been away on assignments ever since (how I hate working girlfriends!). Thanks to these thankless souls I have been having a lonely existence.

Here is how a desperate, lonely man`s average day goes:

6.35 a.m.:
Get up and check the phone first. See if the girl friend called you while you were asleep. Why didn`t she call? Has she found a boyfriend? Check the missed calls. What if she called late in the night and you missed it? As a last resort, check if the wife has left any missed calls. Pointless, I know. Why would a wife leave a missed call late in the night? Wouldn`t she be snoring?

7.00 a.m.:
Check mobile again. What if the girl friend called when you were in the loo reading the newspaper.

7.20 a.m.:
Debate if one has to make tea. For it means, three utensils will get soiled and will have to be washed – the pan, the sieve and the ceramic cup. Eventually one makes tea and looks at the mobile again – this time for missed calls.

8.00 a.m.:
Sit in front of the desktop and see if there are any new mails. After the gmail account, try the hotmail account and then the Yahoo account. The last mail in Yahoo account is at 12.30 a.m., which you have already seen. It is the one about β€˜how to give complete pleasure to the woman in your life,` and you had already responded saying there were none to be seen around.

8.15 a.m.:
Wonder if you really have to take bath because no one will know if you didn`t. Decide to just brush your teeth – and that too because Pepsodent Mint was bought yesterday and you are keen to know how it tastes. Try eating a squeeze of Pepsodent Mint tooth paste and find out that the froth (or is it foam?) is more than that in a Close Up paste.

8.25 a.m.:
Come out of the washroom feeling happy that you didn`t have to take bath. Dry the towel outside anyway because you don`t want the neighbours to suspect that you didn`t take bath.

8.45 a.m.:
Lock the door hoping to bring along a girl (or a boy) in the evening for some company. Before you lock and turn your brain lets you know that it is not going to happen. So feel sad and depressed.

8.50 a.m.:
Sit in the car and wonder who to call during the 10 minute drive to the office. Think of girls in previous office. Wonder if the girl reportee in previous job would be married or not. Wonder if her husband would end up pick up the call? Anyway, try her number and find out that she is already talking to somebody – her boyfriend perhaps.

9.05 a.m.:
Reach the office car park. Try hard. Anybody who can be called? Decide that even a boy is fine as long as he picks up the phone. He doesn`t pick up the phone. Console self that he must be driving.

9.15 a.m. to 7.30 p.m.:
Spend the whole day thinking if you will get somebody to spend the evening with. After 5.30 p.m. decide that even a man will do. After 7.00 p.m. decide that even somebody about 45 years of age will do. At 7.30 p.m. – when you are leaving office – realize that even a plastic doll will do.

8.00 p.m.:
While opening the door, wonder if it would have been better if you were a girl. It would have been child`s play to get a boy home. A nudge here, a wink there….that is all one would have required.

8.30 p.m.:
Wonder if you can call that girl who once said she liked your funny articles on Ouchmytoe. Was she married? Did she sound as if she was married? No idea. Plan dropped because didn`t want to be confronted by an upset husband/boyfriend.

9.00 p.m.:
Nothing like a Fosters beer to give you company. Two Fosters is even better.

10.00 p.m.:
See if the porn collection you have been building over the years still looks exciting. Find out that you have outgrown your collection and need something more contemporary. Age has mellowed you down and you are treading new territory – tasteful porn.

10.15 p.m.:
Find out a site called http://www.savitabhabhi.com (Don`t click if you are in office) – realize that this will be a sure hit among the Indian audience. Especially the male audience.

11.30 p.m.:
Realize that porn is a bad thing. Decide to have dinner instead and hit the bed.

12 midnight:
Hit the bed a lonely, desperate man.

Other Funny Reads

# Hosting a dinner at home
# Now I have a β€˜study` of my own…
# Losing bets
# Train-ed Romance
# When you are in love with yourself…
# The art of shaving

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22 thoughts on “A lonely, desperate man

  1. it seems this the same story of ever guy working in IT industry. Except the few who are blessed with GF by the unknown alien called machoism.

    BTW same was my day except the pint was finished by roomies before i reached home and i just wait for the calls of so Called GF’s you see i am too old to marry πŸ˜›

  2. Kalyanam aagiyum bhramachari.enna kodumai saar idhu.??? Hope you did get some ideas to hook up with a girl, after reading savitha bhabhi. Shit you became this way after you got married. Right…Nalla Divorce Lawyer recommend pannava…he even gives offers if you have a friend who wants a divorce. Buy one get one free.Mail me… for free tips to get the pambatti…oh sorry pondatti to come running back into your short dark arms… Cheers!!!

  3. Man! I have been alone for the last 10 days and this is the same stuff I am experiencing πŸ™‚ And the funniest part is that when I dejectedly tell people that I am all alone at home, they start pulling my leg at all the “playful fun” I might be having.

  4. damn you jammy, i just might will sue you for mental trauma, defamation,(have you put me under surveillance)

    when i ask my friends how is it to be with your girlfriend/boyfriend…
    my frnds gawk at me(specially da female ones)nd in a dejected, and kind of sympathetic tone… tell me, dat i’m useless!!!.
    dats all der is to my social life. den its me ,my guitar nd a scantly clad roomie(thankfully snoring away to glory) and one more lonely night πŸ™

  5. Jammy,
    You hit the nail on the head. I am feeling exactly as you had written. After 2 days euphoria over the ‘freedom’, the lonliness gets to you. It was 2 large of J & B instead of the Fosters here. BTW the tamil version of Savitha bhabi is damn good. Anyway, when the wife and kids come back, you long to being alone and will have to wait for a year when they go to her parent’s house leaving you alone again.

  6. btw jammy, be honest … did you urself launch “savitabhabhi” ?? πŸ˜€

    or for that matter … do you have any role to play in that ??

    Y do I feel that the answer is YES πŸ˜€

  7. You can’t be serious ! LMAO. Difficult to say though. Btw, you missed washing the spoon after making tea.

    P.S. Start having a bath if you really want some company of a living things with olfactory nerves still intact.

  8. This morning as I was leaving for my weekly dose of tennis at the club, I hurt my toe and the first words out of my mouth were “Ahhhhhh My Toe” though it did not deter me from my tennis. I think you should change your blog title to “Ahhhhhh My Toe”, it would really bring out the pain that life and wife cause to the people of this world.
    P.S.: Sorry to leave an unrelated comment here. Just did not know where else I could reach you. You got an email address jammy boy???

  9. Jammy,

    I have been a lot of your articles in the last few days I have been at office, and I never felt compelled to reply until this one.

    My question is, Have you been spying on me?

  10. I’m a sexy girl looking to please her guy. I’m very conservative during the day but love weary sexy lingerie at night hoping someone’s going to enjoy it. I was so glad you mentioned in the article that porn is bad and I love you for that.

  11. LMAO… you know, see the comment above… Man! jammy you are so lucky… girls(/spamming bots/bloody psychedelic teenage pranksters) have already found the solution you were asking for…

    Anyway.. given such a great response (even if it is a bot) i am ready to write such a post on my blog.. but wondering how to link it up with business…

    Anyway Jammy great write up! πŸ™‚ You are the mouthpiece of all those desperate lonely guys in this part of the world…
    Go Jammy Go! Bring the word out![only then we have got some chances!]

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