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When deodorants got banned

Deodorants are very important in today`s World. In fact, when the first time capsule was buried 50 feet below the ground, during the World Fair in 1937, a deodorant can was one of the items kept inside. It was expected that after traveling a long way the Aliens would take bath, spray the deo and freshen up before sitting down for a dialogue. Just in case you believed me, I am kidding.

While reading this blog post further….think of me as an 82-year-old journalist writing a news item in the year 2057 A.D.

If you are as old as I am, you probably remember the days when one could use deodorants without the fear of being arrested. Back then, parents would gift deodorants to their sons on their 18th birthdays. Or sisters would take their brothers out for shopping so that they could select a good deo for their boyfriends. Or husbands would walk up to their wives and say: ‘Hey, you smell of onions and garlic. Here use this deo!”

If you don`t remember, let this 82 year old man jog your memory. In 2025 A.D Indian doctors identified eight dangerous compounds in deodorants and recommended that its use be banned. At first the Government didn`t take notice of the scientists` findings…but when the scientists proved that consistent use of deodorants on white mice resulted in infertility, they sat up and listened.

The Government discussed it in both the Lok Sabha and Rajya Sabha, where the ban found 100% support. Some traced it to the fact that our MPs raise a stink because they don`t use deos….and perhaps that`s why they didn`t oppose when the bill on banning of deos.

Some of the deodorant manufacturing companies protested, but when the CEOs were asked to use their own brand of deodorants and prove that it wasn`t harmful…they all backed out. One of them blacked out.

Thus in 2030 A.D. deodorants were banned. Life wasn`t really affected much because people moved to perfumes. But in 2033 A.D. Priyanka Gandhi, the new Prime Minister of the country, banned perfumes too. She said she didn`t like Robert Vadra using it.

Ever since that day, Indians have been living a life without deodorants and perfumes. The outside world didn`t really notice, till Pakistan & Bangladesh complained that its citizens living on its borders were being affected. The stench was so bad that some of the kids born in the border areas were born with deformities.

On April 1, 2050 A.D. Pakistan raised a stink about the issue in United Nation`s Security Council and said that the lives of its citizens were being compromised. At first, the Security Council`s members laughed thinking Pakistan`s concern about the lives of its citizens was an April Fools joke. But when Pakistan`s Foreign Minister Iqbal (some say he got the name because he only had one hair on his head) insisted on the severity of the issue, the Security Council members relented and agreed to speak to India`s fourth Prime Minister from BJP party….Rahul Gandhi.

Many Indian thinkers, in jail for using smuggled deos on their armpits as a mark of protest, wrote to Rahul asking him to revoke the ban. The scientific man that Rahul was, he asked his scientists to check if the ban on deodorants had improved the fertility amongst the Indians and the population growth was back on track.

I remember the scientists` verdict coming in after a fortnight. It said: “The ban on deo usage has improved the fertility of the Indians…but our population growth rate is still going down.”

Can you guess why? If yes, please leave a comment.

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