But enough of me. Let us talk about you. What do YOU think of me?
– Bette Midler
Recently, I got a mail from my boss saying that I was being made Head of the Product Group, responsible for ibibo blogs, ibibo Sawaal, ibibo Locals, ibibo Opinions & ibibo Polls. Phew! I agree…that`s a long list of products to handle if you are just 165 cms tall.
Ever since, some of my colleagues have been telling me that success has gone to my head…and I now have a big Ego (jokingly of course!). Well, dear colleagues…I have always had a big ego.
Don`t believe me? Let me re-produce the conversation I and my girlfriend (the 7th one) had before she walked away from me.
“Jammy, you have a big ego.”
“Yes. You can never think beyond yourself. I don`t think I can marry a man with such a big ego.”
“So, are you leaving the awesome me?”
“See, you are the only person who addresses himself as ‘awesome`.
“Well…anyway, will you be sharing this ‘ego` bit with your friends?”
“And you are only worried about what my girl friends would think of you.”
“Can`t you think of some other reason to give for the separation?”
“Hmm…I can. How about I say we separated due to religious reasons?”
“Religious reasons? How would you justify that, Madhuri?”
“I will say, you thought you were God…but I didn`t.”
That was the first time somebody had told me that I had a big ego. To take my mind off myself, I took to blogging…but now (thanks to your comments appreciating my funny articles) I am more in love with myself.
My love for myself is so high that if I had been born before Copernicus, I would have suggested a Jammy-centric model of the Universe. In case, you didn`t get the joke you probably need to know that Copernicus suggested a helio-centric model of the Universe, where everything revolved around the Sun.
Maybe my childhood was deprived. Maybe, I suffer from a major sense of inferiority and that`s why I always have to be the center of attraction.
While attending a marriage, I want to be the bridegroom (once, I did manage to dislodge the bridegroom and snap a picture with his wife!). When I am in the church attending a baby`s baptism, I so much want to be the baby. I didn`t think this ‘disease` was much to worry about till I attended a funeral – I wanted to be the corpse. It is another thing that people had surrounded the corpse, and didn`t give me any chance to creep under the white bed-sheet.
Believe me or not…but when I am alone…I crack a joke, laugh at it and then pat on my back myself. Sometimes, I do sprain my right arm while patting my back.
“What happened to your hand,” Rekha would ask. I would just say: “Nothing!” and walk past. But one day, she spotted love bites on the bathroom mirror and found out that I was in love with myself. Thankfully, I was able to hide the few cuts on my voluptuous lips.
Warning: It is dangerous to practice love bites on the mirror, at home.
Now, it is an open secret.