Trip or tripped?

If only I had held my head firm on my shoulders, I would not have been a part of this fiasco. But now, like a tree laden with mangoes during the summer, my chin is touching my chest in shame, for I was party to this beach-side party at Hotel Shelters, some 16 kilometers before Mahabalipuram.

It was a Saturday morning and I was in office, when Vishnu Ram said, they were planning a trip to either Mahabalipuram or Pondicherry. He wanted to know if I would be able to join in. And join I did.

How much I wish, he had stuck to his word and indeed made a trip to either of these places. But that was not to be and in the end I was poorer by Rs 1,340 and had also sliced one year off my life.

At the fag end of the trip did I realise these guys stay with their families and hence need a place away from home for puking out recently-eaten chicken tikkas with a sprinkling of vodka or whiskey or rum. Does the liquor type matter? Does the brand matter?

Anyways, I decided to go. And our pushpak-vimanam was Dinesh’s 14 year-old car. Due credit to the lady for bringing us back safely. I still don’t believe that we touched 100kms/hr!!

My partners in crime were Vodka Vishnu, Silly Satiesh, Volatile Vamsi, Driver Dinesh and Sunni Siva.

The Adayar Foodworld was raided first for snacks and liqour. The refined drinkers that we were, we wanted only Vodka..and the nine shops we stopped at – till we reached Mahabalipuram – could not quench our thirst, for Vodka was simply not available.

I should mention about this T.L.C. (see Top Left Corner of your keyboard), that we had when trying to take a U-turn near a FoodWorld on ECR. Driver Dinesh mis-calculated the speed of an oncoming car while taking the turn and and almost got Vamsi and Sateish killed and Vishnu and I crippled for life.

After going around Mahabalipuram (actually round and round), we were on the way back. We reached the Shelters, and I must tell you, it has been some time since, I have been addressed as “Sir.” I liked it. In the process, I got poorer by Rs 20, for I tipped two guys just 10 mins after entering the Beach resort.

We got drinking on the beach…an experince I thought was worth a lot…atleast till the time Satiesh decided to calculate the expenses and tell us what was due.

I will take many incidents from this get-together, to my grave. Not because they were memorable…but they are just too shameful to reveal. Like for example, Vinshu puking blood and Siva Prasad presenting his theory that it was because the cells on Vinshu’s oesophagus were disintegrating due to too much liqour.

Everything said and done, I have learnt my lesson. When a bunch of amateur drinkers decide to go places…better stay at home, gulp a few sips of Vodka and watch some porn. Chances are, they might be taking you for a ride!

Unwashed…….unabashed

Had it not been for the rain yesterday, I would have gone unwashed…unabashed. Luckily, just as I was leaving for my office, heavens opened up and gave me a shower that I desperately needed.

I would not blame Chennai for me not taking bath. Neither would I blame its iron-fisted ruler Miss (?!) J Jayalalitha. If you still think she is not iron-fisted, check out with The Hindu Editor N Ram. He knows.

I could give you reasons upon reasons for not taking bath –

1) The water did not come
2) My water-motor failed to start-up
3) There was no electricity, hence no water in the tank
4) I have a bandage around my stomach…and it should not get wet
5) I mis-placed my towel
6) There is no soap in the house…and I don’t use Surf.
7) I kicked the bucket and it leaks

But none of them are true. I did not take bath because ….ok…will save it for last.

Anyways, did I hear you say “Eeeks!”

Come on, do animals brush their teeth or do they take bath? Don`t they converse with their fellow beings? Don`t they flirt? Don`t they eventually end up having sex? And is not man an animal?

You might argue that a man needs to be clean and tidy. What about women? I have never known a lady who has taken bath twice in a week`s time. Atleast the strength of the perfumes they use make me believe so.

Moreover, I have have never known a lady that goes to the wash after sex. Come on…its dirty man. It was the 1970s when sex was dirty and the air clean. Today, the air might have become dirty…but sex has not gotten any cleaner.

I have always known man is supposed to help her reach her climax…but in my case…thanks to the dirty women I slept with, it was always an anti-climax.

Now-a-days, I have changed a bit..I stopped expecting these ladies to go to the wash after sex. Frankly, they have all left me and gone…probably to somebody who is not as clean-minded.

And as of now, my sex life is like Bridge. Don`t they say, in Bridge, if you dont have a good partner…you better have a good hand.

As for me not taking bath that day….do you still want to know?