Month: February 2005

Yes size matters. Since this is not a debate that would decide the future of the World (like how the debate between John Kerry and George Bush did), I will be my usual self and not think as I type.

Come to think of it, I guess I should stop calling myself a writer. I am more of a typer. Sometimes, I surpass my own intelligence.

Yeh dil maange more of Shahid & Konkona! Click Here

I think size does matters. On the roads, the bigger your vehicle, the more accidents you get to cause without hurting yourself. Didn`t Jaspal Bhatti once label Truck drivers as Kings of the road?

Talking of trucks, how can I forget that fateful day when a truck kissed my small TVS 50? Yuckily, no baby was delivered.

I was drunk (thanks to a Kuwait bound college-mate whom I had never spoken to) and was getting back home on my green TVS 50. The signal was clear, but the overcautious me was in no hurry… I screeched to a halt at the Stop Line. I knew I was drunk …and I wanted to take it easy…go slow… I needed to be in control. I stopped my vehicle at the stop line, when the signal was green. Trucks and busses, which were just behind me, also screeched to a halt. One truck would be close enough to kiss the back of my TVS 50.

What happened thereafter was mayhem. I had caused a series of collisions. From the traffic policeman …to the truck driver .. to the guy who lost his leg because he rammed into a Matador van 20 meters behind me…everybody cursed me.

I still believe that if only I were six feet tall, and stood up to stare at the traffic policeman in the eye and not at his navel (as was the case)…I would have left the place with some dignity.

Comparatively, the schools were better. At least, I had one guy in the class to bully. All the other classmates of mine had two.

Size mattered at the school assembly and at the school ground. There was one instance though, when being small helped. I made it to the school cricket team as the wicket keeper. Somebody told my Physical Education teacher that all wicket keepers were short. The stupid guy that he was…did not realize that all short people were not wicket keepers. Anyways, I played only one match.

Size mattered in office too. Those that were huge looked down upon me. Literally. Figuratively? I am not sure.

Size mattered in the outside world too. Especially, before marriage.

Thanks to my size, my sample size, to choose a wife from, was drastically reduced. When somebody said, “Hey, did you check out that pretty girl in red T-shirt?”

I would ask, “She tall?”

More often than not, “Hmm…nah…she is not tall,” would be the answer. Now, I was not a guy to believe in hearsay…and would take the next step only after scientifically analyzing the height of the girl in the news.

I would walk past the girl, and my friends (if I could call them that) would give thumbs up sign if I were taller. The only girl they ever gave a thumbs up sign was for Rekha…and she would eventually become my wife. Quite a focused guy, huh?

The Chucking Controversy Click Here

I know…you probably wonder why size means height to me. If you were put to the hardships & insults that I have been through, thanks to my 165 cms (that is 5 4″) tall frame…you would know.

Won`t you be insulted if on your first night…your wife cuddles up to you and whispers in your ears: “Honey, don`t worry…I will give up wearing heals and platforms.” I was.

I got this as a forward from my ex-teammate and good friend Yuvraj (I like to call him Yuvraj Singh).

It makes for a great reading and is really hilarious. Go ahead….

A ship sank in high seas and the following people got stranded on a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere:

Like cricket umpire Dickie Bird? Click Here

A. 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
B. 2 French men and 1 French woman
C. 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
D. 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman
E. 2 Mexican men and 1 Mexican woman
F. 2 American men and 1 American woman
G. 2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman

One month later, on various parts of the island, the following was observed:

A. One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

B. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together.

C. The two Greek men are together, and the Greek woman is cooking & cleaning for them.

D. The two Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and a long look at the Polish woman, and they started swimming.

E. The two Mexican men are talking to all the other men on the island trying to sell them the Mexican woman.

F. The two American men are contemplating suicide. The American woman is bitching about her body being her own

G. What happened to the Indians????

The 2 Indian men are still waiting for someone to introduce them to the Indian woman!

George Bush has been caught red handed, giving away large amounts of money to influence opinion in his favor. Some call it Public Relations, some bribery.

In the backdrop of the latest crisis to hit the Bush administration, here is a conversation between the President and a commoner, on the lawns of the White House (now yellow, due to pollution).

Commoner: Dear President, if I am alive today it is because of you.
Bush: I should ask my secretary to put this testimonial up on my website.

Commoner: I can give you my digitally enhanced photograph, if you want.
Bush: I am against putting up pictures on the net. I once did, and somebody morphed it with monkeys.

Commoner: That`s understandable. Internet doesn`t have Homeland Security like the US of A.
Bush: Truer words were never said.

Commoner: Talking of security, what about Osama? We should jail him in Guantanamo Bay.
Bush: We have almost got him. On Monday, we are searching the White House. We have news that he has been hiding inside the White House to avoid the radars.

Commoner: Why not search today…now?
Bush: Weekend man…I need to visit Camp David, my Presidential retreat. In fact my wife Laura and two daughters Jenna & Barbara love it more than I do. Now you know why my wife wanted me to get re-elected.

Commoner: I thought you deserved a second term for the 2.6 million jobs you created in the last two years.
Bush: That.. I was forced to. My men in Iraq were dying in their sleep or while having dinner….I needed replacements.

Commoner: Talking of Iraq, will we ever find the WMD?
Bush: If only the UN inspectors leave Iraq for a few hours, my team will be able to find the WMDs. We have managed to sneak the WMDs into Egypt, but are unable to place them in Iraq yet.

Commoner: The Iraqi elections were good huh?
Bush: Yes. But now-a-days I don`t get thrilled lying in front of the camera.

Commoner: I am glad so many Iraqis turned out to vote.
Bush: We had to decide on the exact percentage that we would say turned out to vote. And we decided on 60-75%. Only later did we realize that even in countries like India – the biggest of all democracies – the voters turn out is only 60%.

Commoner: That is all right. You were just doing your job.
Bush: By the way, who are you? I have been sharing classified information and your name is not even Donald Rumsfield or Condoleezza Rice.
Commoner: I am just a columnist you took money from your agents to be your jester.
Bush: Great, now go ahead and write about what we spoke.
Commoner: Sure.