When Bush comes to shove

George Bush has been caught red handed, giving away large amounts of money to influence opinion in his favor. Some call it Public Relations, some bribery.

In the backdrop of the latest crisis to hit the Bush administration, here is a conversation between the President and a commoner, on the lawns of the White House (now yellow, due to pollution).

Commoner: Dear President, if I am alive today it is because of you.
Bush: I should ask my secretary to put this testimonial up on my website.

Commoner: I can give you my digitally enhanced photograph, if you want.
Bush: I am against putting up pictures on the net. I once did, and somebody morphed it with monkeys.

Commoner: That`s understandable. Internet doesn`t have Homeland Security like the US of A.
Bush: Truer words were never said.

Commoner: Talking of security, what about Osama? We should jail him in Guantanamo Bay.
Bush: We have almost got him. On Monday, we are searching the White House. We have news that he has been hiding inside the White House to avoid the radars.

Commoner: Why not search today…now?
Bush: Weekend man…I need to visit Camp David, my Presidential retreat. In fact my wife Laura and two daughters Jenna & Barbara love it more than I do. Now you know why my wife wanted me to get re-elected.

Commoner: I thought you deserved a second term for the 2.6 million jobs you created in the last two years.
Bush: That.. I was forced to. My men in Iraq were dying in their sleep or while having dinner….I needed replacements.

Commoner: Talking of Iraq, will we ever find the WMD?
Bush: If only the UN inspectors leave Iraq for a few hours, my team will be able to find the WMDs. We have managed to sneak the WMDs into Egypt, but are unable to place them in Iraq yet.

Commoner: The Iraqi elections were good huh?
Bush: Yes. But now-a-days I don`t get thrilled lying in front of the camera.

Commoner: I am glad so many Iraqis turned out to vote.
Bush: We had to decide on the exact percentage that we would say turned out to vote. And we decided on 60-75%. Only later did we realize that even in countries like India – the biggest of all democracies – the voters turn out is only 60%.

Commoner: That is all right. You were just doing your job.
Bush: By the way, who are you? I have been sharing classified information and your name is not even Donald Rumsfield or Condoleezza Rice.
Commoner: I am just a columnist you took money from your agents to be your jester.
Bush: Great, now go ahead and write about what we spoke.
Commoner: Sure.

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at jv.rajan@gmail.com or message him at +919650080255.

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