Play

Rekha asked me in the morning “shall we go to play?” I said “sure…but why the sudden interest?”

All my life I have been a sportsman….from winning 1500m races in school to captaining Tamil Nadu`s KVS Kabaddi team at the Nationals…I have always been a sportive sportsman. Play is something that I think should be ingrained in every human born on the face of mother Earth.

We agreed that at 6.30 p.m. I shall pick her up and we shall go to the venue. At five I called her up and asked: “So, is there any dress code?”

“No dress code…but it would be better if you can wear something very fashionable or stick to a short kurta with a faded jean.”

I was surprised. Why should I be in a jean when going for play? But I am not used to questioning Rekha`s executive decisions so just nod my head and walk towards my wardrobe. I generally don`t rebel but today I was in a mood….perhaps it was that article I read about Aamir Khan`s movie on Mangal Pandey. Guess, I had chosen the wrong time to rebel.

I wore my blue and white tracksuit, put on my spikes (I prefer being rooted to the ground) and packed my bag with some Glucose, Iodex, towels, bananas etc. Like a Bullet Train, I was in front of Rekha`s office at 6.30 p.m..

God knows why but she was shocked when she saw me. I asked her.

“I asked you to wear a faded jean and short kurta. Or that one party shirt you bought five years ago. Why did you wear your tracksuit?”

“Whenever I play I wear my tracksuit. I am most comfortable in it. In fact I was wondering how you going to be comfortable in these tights.” I replied.

She gave me a big lecture. Eventually I would understand that we were not going to play…instead we were going to a play. Evam Indrajeet, a 40-year-old Bengali play written by Badal Sircar now translated in English by Girish Karnad. A real-time play like those written by William Shakespeare.

I am not much of a literary man. Neither is Rekha, though a few days back she decided to be seen as one. As proof I have all those kurtas that she has bought from the Rajasthani Emporium.

We trudge along to the Sivagami Pethachi auditorium – the venue.

The Play crowd is not my kind. I don`t know to drop names (in fact I know no names) and I don`t have opinions. In short…I don`t have what it takes to hang around with people for 30 minutes before a play starts and then sit for two hours while the play is on. At least, not with Rekha by my side.

I saw some amazing girls…some like mannequins…some like mermaids…some like servant maids…and some ready-made. If you are still-hunting for your prey, I would suggest you visit Plays.

The Play was good but there were no whistles and no vociferous clapping when the hero emerged. Nobody was reciting the dialogues before the hero-heroine delivered them, nobody was munching high-decibel pop-corn, there were so stunt sequence, no special effects, no songs, no climax where the villain kidnaps the hero`s girl friend….no nothing.

But on the personal front, I had a good time at the play. All the girls were looking at me…some even smiled. Some even came close and had a nice look. Wonder why. By the way, I was the only guy in a tracksuit in the auditorium.

Categories
Uncategorized

A real life conversation

Unmarried friend: You picking up your wife on your way?
Married friend: Yeah…
Unmarried friend: Why you so upset?
Married friend: This is no longer exciting…it used to be great before marriage.
Unmarried friend: I can understand. Familiarity breeds contempt.
Married friend: Damn true. Now, if you ask me….picking ones nose is better than picking ones wife.
Unmarried friend: And why so?
Married friend: At least when you pick your nose you can wash your hands and get rid of the dirt.

This was inspired by a reply I sent to a fan mail from Libu B. Thanks Libu.

Categories
Uncategorized

When men stop lying

What would happen if tomorrow all men in the World stop lying? They will start dying. Simple.

You probably think I said the men would be dying because it rhymed with lying. No…if I wanted a word that rhymed with lying…I would have gone with – crying, spying, eyeing, flying, sighing and vying…and I can assure you all of them would have made sense and yet rhymed with lying.

But believe me…the moment man stops lying…he will have no option left but to leave this world. The logic is simple…can fish live without water? Can bears live without salmons? Can butter flies live without necter? Can men live without lying?

Look at me for example..I am the guy who quit smoking two days back because it was the ‘No Smoking day.` Since my promise to Rekha I have quit thrice and started again twice.

I know a guy who would lie to his wife so much that out of habit he started lying (next) to his mistress. Don`t ask me why the mistress did not complain…she was more than happy that he was lying (next) to her and not to some other lady.

Men from different religion, caste, creed, economic strata lie the same. I know a man who tells his wife that he is a religious preacher but the most he says while seeking alms is “Baba..bhagwan tumhara bhala karega…kooch paise dedo….khuda ka vastha.”

Let us now pull ourselves away from the husband-wife scenario…for it gets too congested and every sentence of mine could be construed as if it were directed towards one particular lady called Rekha. And as you all might be aware, I don`t intend to pull her down or crib about her. And I am not lying.

Here are two instances of a man-woman meeting where the man did not have the option to lie. Judge for yourself –

Scenario 1

Man Colleague: So, how are you doing?
Woman Colleague: Good.
Man Colleague: You married?
Woman Colleague: Nope.
Man Colleague: Great. So can we go out?
Woman Colleague: Nope.

Scenario 2

Actor: Liked the movie? How did I act?
Actress: You did well.
Actor: Wow…did not know you would be impressed.
Actress: And how did I do?
Actor: Are you married? On second thoughts…does it matter.
Actress: It matters. And now stop staring.

In the below mentioned scenarios, we allow man to lie and hence the conversations get longer and yield results.

Scenario 3

Man Colleague: So, how are you doing?
Woman Colleague: Good.
Man Colleague: That`s a nice top. Where did you get it?
Woman Colleague: Aahhh…that one was in Spencers.
Man Colleague: Damn neat place huh? I have a friend who owns a shop there..sells fancy jewelry…dirt cheap.
Woman Colleague: What is the name of the shop? And where in Spencers is it?
Man Colleague: Don`t exactly remember but I could take you there…if you don`t mind.
Woman Colleague: Sure. How about today evening?

Scenario 4

Actor: Liked the movie? How did I act?
Actress: You did well. How about me?
Actor: Wow…I was zapped by your performance. Did not realize you were a new comer till you told me.
Actress: I promise, this is my first film.
Actor: Thanks you told me. So how do you memorize your dialogues?
Actress: I just go through them before going to sleep.
Actor: That`s funny coz I also do that but I somehow never remember them.
Actress: I could show you how…
Actor: That would be lovely…I will be at your door step at 9 p.m. tonight.
Actress: Great!