When men stop lying

What would happen if tomorrow all men in the World stop lying? They will start dying. Simple.

You probably think I said the men would be dying because it rhymed with lying. No…if I wanted a word that rhymed with lying…I would have gone with – crying, spying, eyeing, flying, sighing and vying…and I can assure you all of them would have made sense and yet rhymed with lying.

But believe me…the moment man stops lying…he will have no option left but to leave this world. The logic is simple…can fish live without water? Can bears live without salmons? Can butter flies live without necter? Can men live without lying?

Look at me for example..I am the guy who quit smoking two days back because it was the ‘No Smoking day.` Since my promise to Rekha I have quit thrice and started again twice.

I know a guy who would lie to his wife so much that out of habit he started lying (next) to his mistress. Don`t ask me why the mistress did not complain…she was more than happy that he was lying (next) to her and not to some other lady.

Men from different religion, caste, creed, economic strata lie the same. I know a man who tells his wife that he is a religious preacher but the most he says while seeking alms is “Baba..bhagwan tumhara bhala karega…kooch paise dedo….khuda ka vastha.”

Let us now pull ourselves away from the husband-wife scenario…for it gets too congested and every sentence of mine could be construed as if it were directed towards one particular lady called Rekha. And as you all might be aware, I don`t intend to pull her down or crib about her. And I am not lying.

Here are two instances of a man-woman meeting where the man did not have the option to lie. Judge for yourself –

Scenario 1

Man Colleague: So, how are you doing?
Woman Colleague: Good.
Man Colleague: You married?
Woman Colleague: Nope.
Man Colleague: Great. So can we go out?
Woman Colleague: Nope.

Scenario 2

Actor: Liked the movie? How did I act?
Actress: You did well.
Actor: Wow…did not know you would be impressed.
Actress: And how did I do?
Actor: Are you married? On second thoughts…does it matter.
Actress: It matters. And now stop staring.

In the below mentioned scenarios, we allow man to lie and hence the conversations get longer and yield results.

Scenario 3

Man Colleague: So, how are you doing?
Woman Colleague: Good.
Man Colleague: That`s a nice top. Where did you get it?
Woman Colleague: Aahhh…that one was in Spencers.
Man Colleague: Damn neat place huh? I have a friend who owns a shop there..sells fancy jewelry…dirt cheap.
Woman Colleague: What is the name of the shop? And where in Spencers is it?
Man Colleague: Don`t exactly remember but I could take you there…if you don`t mind.
Woman Colleague: Sure. How about today evening?

Scenario 4

Actor: Liked the movie? How did I act?
Actress: You did well. How about me?
Actor: Wow…I was zapped by your performance. Did not realize you were a new comer till you told me.
Actress: I promise, this is my first film.
Actor: Thanks you told me. So how do you memorize your dialogues?
Actress: I just go through them before going to sleep.
Actor: That`s funny coz I also do that but I somehow never remember them.
Actress: I could show you how…
Actor: That would be lovely…I will be at your door step at 9 p.m. tonight.
Actress: Great!

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

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