What is Sympathetic Obesity Syndrome
In the World of Gynecologists there exists a term called ‘Sympathetic Obesity Syndrome.` If you are a doctor and know that such a term doesn`t exist…well…it exists now. In fact, now that you have found out, I might as well name – ‘Jammy`s Obesity`.
To cut the fat story short, when a lady is pregnant…she eats a lot. My wife indulged in various items found both inside and outside the refrigerator. Her indulgence was so intense that when the baby arrived the refrigerator was empty. Outside the refrigerator…we were left with out double bed, treadmill, Television, bookshelf, computer, printer and the stack of newspaper. Some clothes of mine went missing, but I doubt if my wife had a hand.
When the lady of the house eats so much it becomes difficult for the man of the house to remain inactive – the competitive animal that he is. In no time, the man in the house also starts putting on weight. Needless to say, I fell prey to this conspiracy of nature and today I am a bulky man. To five you the facts, Rekha put on 11 Kgs during her pregnancy and I put on 17 Kgs.
Now that my wife has delivered, she has lost all the weight and is almost back in shape. When I approached the gynecologist, he refused to induce labor and thus am left with all of my 17 Kgs intact.
Walking into a fitness center
Unable to handle the trauma, I walked into a fitness center five days after our baby was born.
“Hi, I am here lose weight,” I said.
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone were showing off their muscles on all the walls. For those who didn`t know…Arnie didn`t start his movie career with a porn movie. His first was Hercules in New York. However, Stallone had good fun before he started acting with clothed women (his first movie was Party at Kitty and Stud’s. No, serious).
The lady at the counter looked at me from top to bottom and smiled. Perhaps she found effeminate…but tell you what…she was so much on steroids that it wouldn`t have been appropriate of me to address her as ‘sister`. I probably had to refer to her as ‘that brother at the counter`.
“You have come to the right place”, she said.
“Thanks. So, how much will it cost me to join your fitness center?” Cost would have definitely been a factor. If it was too costly…I had decided to stop using the treadmill at home as a clothes line and use it for jogging.
“We are pretty cheap at Rs 20,000 for six months.”
“If that is what you gain from me, what do I gain?” I heard my voice shaking…for I didn`t want to intimidate the huge lady.
“Down here, you all come to lose…not gain.” She smiled. She was cracking a joke she knew by heart.
“That`s true. So let me re-phrase my question. How much do I stand to lose?” Surprisingly, I was being persistent.
“It depends on your level of involvement. We had a guy walk in yesterday and today he lost 20 Kgs.”
“Wow…that soon? How?” They sure showed quick results.
“Well, this was a unique case. He didn`t know to use the treadmill and ripped his leg off while running on it. But the end result was a body that`s lighter by 20 Kgs.”
Resisting a ‘lady` brother`s approaches
I stiffed up. What business were these guys into? Fitness center or contract killing where the victim pays for his own death?
“I am sorry. I don`t think I can join you.” I said fearing the worst.
The lady moved from behind the counter, came near me and placed her hands on my shoulder. Believe me, a lady is a lady…even if she looks like a brother…and when she kept her hands on my shoulder, I felt a surge of love.
She softly whispered into my ears: “We will make you feel welcome everyday.”
Surprisingly, I was still resisting. I searched my brain for something convincing to say and finally blurted out what Carol Leifer had once said: “But, my philosophy is different from yours. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.”
I don`t think she heard what I said. Perhaps she had a liking for me…for she ran her hand behind my back and asked me for the second time, “So, how flexible are you?”
I thought for a while before answering: “Mondays and Tuesdays are hectic. I can come on rest of the days.”
I am now a member of the fitness center. I see her everyday but she turns her head away…wonder what she meant when she asked me how flexible I was.
Other Funny, Funnier, Funniest Reads
# Conversation: Optimist vs Pessimist
# Getting a treadmill for the house…
# Treadmill and its implications
# Fitness Tip: Smoking, a virtue
# Looking for smiling joggers
