A fat chance

Why are married women fatter than the unmarried ones?

Answer: That’s because when the single women come home they see what is in the fridge and go to bed. But when married women come home, they see what is in bed and go to the fridge.

* * * * *

I completely agree. Married women tend to put on weight. I am not hinting that Rekha has gained 10 Kgs since our marriage. Could be 11+ Kgs, for all I know. One can never be sure when it comes to weighty matters like these.

I would have never known. Like all decent men, I had decided to stop looking at girls after marriage. When I realized I was finding it difficult to let go of the habit, I thought I will stop the bad habit of staring at girls by starting with Rekha. It seemed like only yesterday when I stopped looking at her (doesn’t time fly when you are having a good time?)…when yesterday she looked at me straight in the eye and asked: “So, how is this dress?”

“Good.” I have come to realize that ‘good’ is a safe answer with all girls.

“Do I look fat…or am I just so…so?”

“You are just so…so.” Even as the words escaped me, I wondered if I had blundered.

Apparently I hadn’t, because Rekha’s expression didn’t change. She glanced at the mirror again and said: “Looks like I have put on a few Kgs.”

“A few tons would be more like it,” is what I wanted to say but didn’t.

Girls can never let a husband keep his thoughts to himself. They want them out…even if it means laying the foundation stones for a big fight. “I think I am just the right weight for my height.”

“Definitely. If only you had been eight feet and three inches tall.” I couldn’t believe I had said that.

“But you are also fat for your 165 centimeters,” Rekha was now aggressive.

“Yeah I am.” I agreed. The best way to put off a lady is to agree to whatever she says. Don’t believe me? Why do you think there are so many hen-pecked husbands around?

As a result of our conversation which began when Rekha was in front of the mirror…now I have to go to the gym. Rekha says, they are going to have an office meet in a month’s time and I need to be fitter than what I am now.

I did try and take my revenge. “Aren’t you also fat? What steps are you taking for yourself?” I asked.

“Drop me at the Ashta-Lakshmi temple tomorrow morning. Need to ask God to make my friends fatter,” she retorted.

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at jv.rajan@gmail.com or message him at +919650080255.

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