All Males Unite!

I have a feeling that very soon it would not be cool to have a male child.

I don`t know you if you agree with me, but it is a fact that today 50% of the households start expecting a boy child as soon as somebody in the family gets pregnant. The rest are OK, if the child is born healthy.

If yours is an extended family, which includes cows, this rule wouldn`t apply. For you would want to have a she-cow, that could later be exploited for milk. I think this is the right time, to share a secret of mine. For long I had thought cows and oxen were two different species and I would be surprised whenever a cow gave birth to a he-calf. My reasoning was…if a cow gives milk..its children should also give milk.

Now, back to the humans. As I was saying…I have a feeling…the men are losing out in the battle of sexes.

Not so long back, if there were five chappaties, the son in the family got to eat four and the three daughters got to share one. The daughters had the freedom to fetch water from the well whenever they wanted to…wash the dishes outside of the hut whenever it was shady enough. So much so, they even got to sleep on the stony floor because it was cool and refreshing in summer. All this, when the son spent his whole day (and the night) idling on his cot.

Now, times have changed. Women have started doing everything that was once considered man`s domain. They wear trousers, they earn money, they go shopping, they decide…everything that WAS a man`s birthright …is today a woman`s job.

Not just in the outside world…even at home…she watches TV, reads the sports pages, warms the sofa and orders Pizza. The only thing that was a man`s responsibility (and his right) and is yet to be taken over by women is the ‘act of initiating sex`. But then, the success rate has been declining alarmingly.

Looks like very soon the women won`t need us. Even today, the only thing we men are being used for is to provide a fatherly figure for their sons and daughters.

Some fifty years back…wives were tortured if she gave birth to a baby girl. Today, thanks to all those TV advertisements by a few NGOs…all women know that the sex of a child is determined by the man. Armed with this information, they have hit back at us…and we are going to disintegrate.

Soon, I think there would be male infanticide. The village near my home town Madurai that put us on the International map – Usilampati – will be the trend-setter in male infanticide too.

All these early killing of the boys would lead to a very dependent male community. Parents of the male child will start saving early so that they have money to hand over as dowry. Some might be lucky and would get married. Some might get raped by the women – their only fault being, being handsome and dressed in Bermudas revealing their well-built calf muscles.

A few would grow up to be 35-40 year old bachelors. After which, in one bout of self-realization they would go and join the missionaries. As a result, there would be lots of male Nuns.

With so few men to choose from and so many women dominating the scene…male prostitution will begin. Men will dress up in suits or casuals and don nice perfumes and stand near post offices…and Railway stations…women will come in cars to pick up the man of their choice.

The next day these tired men will be dropped near bus-stands in the same cars.

Women will learn to spot the male-prostitute. There would be red-light areas when men would hang around …and talk dirty to attract the women. Women would letch at the men, thus lowering their self-esteem even further. One good thing of all this turn out would be…there would be no kids in red-light areas… because the men won`t be diagnosed with pregnancies. That means, no Oscars for movies made in India.

With all the employment opportunities taken, men will rush towards the vacuum created by women servants & baby-sitters who would have joined the mainstream. They will do the house-keeping while single-women went about their work.

The good thing is I am already trained for such a scenario…

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

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