Appraisals are here

Having failed to find anything funny in appraisals, Ouchmytoe decided to borrow from the internet and come up with an interesting piece.

I had my appraisals a few days back. Am glad I had read this article in The Hindu way back in 2004, for I was able to maintain my cool. As a result, I didn`t put in my papers the same day.

Surprising isn`t it, the newspapers never write on how to deal with good appraisals. But then, do good appraisals exist? Or are they like the UFOs?

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“You are a great resource and you should go far,” my boss initiated the dialogue.

I was happy. Not all bosses know to break the ice with such simplicity.

“That`s nice to hear, Aparna.”

“Thanks. The sooner you go far, the better,” She said staring at the computer.

Being an honest, chaste man has its drawbacks. When somebody is pulling you down, scolding you or making fun of your ability, you don`t realize. I didn`t realize and continued: “So what is the hike I am getting?”

“Hike? I don`t think you will need one….you have set yourself low standards and have consistently failed to achieve them.”

“But why would I not need a hike?” Even as I persisted, I saw my boss rating me as ‘Excellent` against the ‘Perseverance` parameter.

“In your last appraisal I had rated you as ‘Doesn`t meet expectations`. Remember?”

I wondered why she was bringing in the past. Wasn`t an associate`s career path all about the future? “Yes,” I snorted.

“Since my last report, you have reached rock bottom. In the next two days you would start to dig.”

“So what if I dig?”

I have always known Aparna as somebody quick to the gun and this time too she didn`t disappoint. She said, “If you dig, you would soon reach oil…and think of how rich you could be.”

Honest and chaste men like me can only be pushed to a certain extent. There is a limit beyond which the Rajans can take insults. I wanted to fight back. “But I worked hard the last one year,” I replied.

“Yes you did…but only under constant supervision. To put it bluntly, you worked hard when cornered like a rat in a trap.”

If only I hadn`t lent my gun to Pravin Mahajan. Even as I was giving it to Pravin, I remember my mother had said: “Lend books…but never lend your gun…you might have to go to the prison to collect it.”

“But Aparna, my job wasn`t great. I was only flogging a dead horse. At the most I could have dismounted….as goes a saying used by Dakota Indians of North America.” I think my anger showed in the way I spoke…for she said I should have got a stronger whip!

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

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