You don’t have to ‘like’ me. I’m not a Facebook status.
Author: Jamshed V Rajan
Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at jv.rajan@gmail.com or message him at +919650080255.
Jv.rajan@gmail.com: Hi, still up?
My-Ex-Boss@youporn.com: Yeah. I am working on a strategy to make money for the company.
Jv.rajan@gmail.com: In fact, I wanted to discuss my raise with you.
My-Ex-Boss@youporn.com: Shouldn’t you be checking with your girl friends?
Jv.rajan@gmail.com: No! I am talking about the annual appraisals.
My-Ex-Boss@youporn.com: Ah! Mind you…. a petty criminal is just somebody who didn’t have enough money to start a company. In short, you are negotiating a raise with criminals.
Jv.rajan@gmail.com: I understand that. Just that we Rajans are so primitive that we still thinking working hard is the only means of making money.
My-Ex-Boss@youporn.com: But my son….money alone isn’t everything.
Jv.rajan@gmail.com: You could be right about that. But give me a chance to prove it to myself!
My-Ex-Boss@youporn.com: But why do you want a raise now?
Jv.rajan@gmail.com: I have a home loan that takes away almost everything that I earn.
My-Ex-Boss@youporn.com: How much is it?
Jv.rajan@gmail.com: Around 50K per month.
My-Ex-Boss@youporn.com: Ah! If you owe the bank 50K….it is your problem. But if you owe the bank 500K it becomes the bank’s problem…so try to convert it into the bank’s problem.
Jv.rajan@gmail.com: But sir, I am also going through a medical condition right now and the medical bills are high too. I so much need money now that I wouldn’t mind giving a thousand dollars to be a millionaire.
My-Ex-Boss@youporn.com: I can send you to Zimbabwe for a overseas experience – nice money too. You can earn in Zimbabwean dollars. Interested?
Jv.rajan@gmail.com: Sir, I have heard that their economy is so bad that they leave their cash registers open but keep toilets closed to avoid toilet paper theft?
My-Ex-Boss@youporn.com: Ohh ok. So you know.
Jv.rajan@gmail.com: Yes sir. We Rajans aren’t that stupid.
My-Ex-Boss@youporn.com: And do you think I am stupid?
Jv.rajan@gmail.com: No sir.
My-Ex-Boss@youporn.com: Good.
Jv.rajan@gmail.com: But sir…my father always said that if I weren’t dying soon, I should start making a lot of money.
My-Ex-Boss@youporn.com: What did he say for when you knew you were about to die?
Jv.rajan@gmail.com: Sir, in that case he asked me to take insurance.
My-Ex-Boss@youporn.com: OK. Have you heard a big, famous man say, “When in charge, ponder. When in trouble, delegate. When in doubt, mumble.”
Jv.rajan@gmail.com: Yes sir…I have read it somewhere.
My-Ex-Boss@youporn.com: Well….hatty asfha asgasa hljlk asjj iuiui jasasa.
As you are already aware, Rekha has quit her job at Genpact and is spending time at home. Since quitting she has started calling me often when I am at office, and has also started expecting me to be home early. I am in bit of a jam. To get out, I am working on a plan to keep her busy during the day.
Since she refused to learn a new language, learn a music instrument or learn Karate (not that she needs it to beat the shit out of me)…I suggested she take up art lessons.
“Rekha, I always wanted to be an artist, but never got the time. And here you don’t want to take it up when you have all the time in the World,” I insisted.
“But Rajan, you wanted to be an artist because you thought you could stare at naked women on the pretext of painting them….right?
“Well, that’s true. But still…maybe you can focus on portraits?” I insisted again.
“Portraits? Whenever I look at portraits, only the frames catch my eye. I start wondering how the frames would look in our drawing room….with our family pictures inside them.”
This was getting difficult. Rekha was refusing to budge.
“But Rekha, imagine all your friends drooling over your paintings when they visit our home?”
“No Rajan, I really don’t want to get into painting – I don’t want my models to be jugs, apples and vases.”
I made one last attempt.
“Rekha, your mind is anyway filled with evil designs…you just need to paint them on the canvas. Easy, right?”
“But frankly, I don’t want to be a painter. Whenever I see Mona Lisa, I interpret her smile as that of a woman who has just killed her husband.” Rekha responded with a hint of triumph in her voice.
I didn’t answer. But I know for sure that she isn’t getting into painting any time sooner. Any ideas to keep her busy?
I often think of the attraction of smoking, that it simplifies the world into three parts. There’s you, there’s the cigarette, and everything else is the ashtray.
This was almost like Rhea’s graduation from Play School. We got a report card and all…and were told she made it to Nursery in flying colors. Phew!
They say alcohol kills people. Well, lets not forget how many people were born because of it!
Rekha’s grand-parents were into old-school theatre. Rekha is also a trained violin player…so when our daughter was born we named her Rhea, which means ‘a singer.’ In this video, our four year old daughter Rhea sings even as she drums. Incidentally, this was a drum I had got as a token gift while visiting Cape Town in 2010.