My wife’s oral contraceptive is “No sex today!”

According to a bit of statistic yet to be believed by somebody other than me, for every happy father, there are three unhappy men yearning to be fathers. Most of these I-want-to-be-a-father men are victims of contraceptives. All kinds of contraceptives…

A friend of mine is victim of oral contraceptives. Every time his nears his wife…she says “No!”.

Though authorities from the Family Planning Commission suggest that contraceptives need to be used during every conceivable occasion…I somehow believe that we need to be a little liberal. After all, children are God`s gift.

A few of the World`s intelligent argue that if God liked children so much, why doesn`t he have a few instead of pushing all of them to us? Some go a step further and question his logic behind sending on Earth his only son – Lord Jesus.

Now, getting back to the question of contraceptives. Most people in the World consider contraceptives to be safe. But the citizens of Botswana (which boasts of 37% AIDS infected adults) don`t believe that condoms are safe. Earlier, Botswana people considered condoms to be safe…but a recent car accident in which a countryman wearing a condom died…changed everything.

Besides condoms – the most popular contraceptives – there are others too. In all shapes, sizes and names. The next most popular are the birth-pills, which the women pop from time to time. You probably wonder why women are made to swallow the pills. As somebody once asked…is it not easy to remove the bullets from the gun than force the other partner to wear a bulletproof vest. I completely agree.

Many Indians don`t believe in contraceptives. They don`t know that besides offering them an opportunity to plan their family… contraceptives also save them from AIDS – at least the condoms.

I met this lorry driver in Madurai and here is an interesting conversation:

Me: Did you know that lorry drivers like you…because of their high mobility (they travel a lot) and high-risk lifestyle (they sleep around a lot…most of them) are most likely to be suffering from AIDS?

Driver: Yeah?

Me: Yes. But if you use a condom you can be 99% sure that you won`t get AIDS.

Driver: I did use them earlier but these condom packets are so goddamn tough to open….a few of my friends and I even have a conspiracy theory. We believe these condom manufacturers wontedly make the packets tough to open…thus giving the lady enough time to change her mind.

Me: Yeah?

Driver: Yes. But pray tell me why you advising me? We are all animals and …no other animal uses contraceptives.

Me: That`s true. But that is because there are no animal contraceptives in the market yet. But most of them do go for an abortion….like that chicken that crossed the road and laid an egg in the fast food joint.

Driver: And what happened to the egg?

Me: They made an omelet out of it – a true blue abortion.

Driver: Wow…and anyways what is this thing called AIDS? A driver friend of mine was saying that it is All India Department of Sex.

I didn`t stay on to explain…and moved on.

When I came back to Chennai, I met a few people who didn`t want to have children because they have white couches, marble floors, clean walls and plasma TVs. Now that`s what I would call a modern-age contraceptive….

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

7 replies on “My wife’s oral contraceptive is “No sex today!””

Very funny blog indeed.
I like the play of words you use – contraceptives need to be used during every ‘conceivable’ occasion 🙂
Keep going.

Thot I should tell you how hysterical this blog is. As soon as i have the time, i shall be digging the archives. 🙂

who ever came up with the article was bored, and didn’t know what to write!!!

So, he wrote about Indian people and people in Botswana…

After that, he chilled with a truck driver talking about condom companies.

Old people don’t normaly use oral contraceptives because most already have children and most love the joy of having children.

so asking an old truck driver won’t give you the answers you want!!

All enjoy.


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