Cutting costs at home

If you are the man in the house, the only thing you probably cut at home is vegetable. If you are cutting vegetables, I assume you have been man enough to handover all finances to your wife. The person responsible for the financial health of the family generally does cost cutting, but here are a few tips for men to cut costs.

From tomorrow itself leave your car and/or bike at home and resort to hitchhiking. To avoid the rush hour start early. You cut down on your transportation cost.

If the office sends you on a business trip to a far-flung place, just buy a ticket, photocopy it and cancel it for reimbursement purposes. Once that is taken care of, visit the airport again to buy a plane ticket to a nearby place. Something that wont cost you much. On the day of travel, carry a small pocketknife. Mid-way through the journey announce the high jacking. As planned, ask the pilot to take you to the far-flung place where the office wanted you to go. Assuming ticket to the nearby place cost less, you would have saved considerable amount of money. Double the figure because I expect you to highjack the plane on your way back too!

Somebody living so dangerously is bound to have anxiety. With anxiety in one`s life…blood pressure can`t be far off. If high blood pressure surfaces, I suggest you don`t go to the doctor and increase your medical bills. Just take the pocketknife you used to highjack the plane and cut off one of your veins. After half a liter of blood flows out use a cheap handy plast to cover the wound. Don`t we all know our physics – the lesser the blood the lesser the pressure?

To cut down on electricity cost, wear un-ironed shirt and trousers to office…but reach early. Thus, you will have time to assemble your James Bond Hot Iron apparatus (weighing only 100 grams), plug into your monitor`s three-pin socket and start ironing.

To cut down on toilet paper costs, you can visit the loo once you are in office. This way, you will also end up spending less on water charges. Don`t be disappointed…I am not asking you to hold nature`s calls till you reach office in the morning. Here is an alternative: Drink Harpic – the toilet cleaner – in between meals, so when you piss you don`t have to flush the potty. If you think, the potty will need water even if you consume Harpic, you could try the sink. The added advantage of trying a sink is that you don`t need to keep the toilet lid down!

If even after drinking Harpic, and using the sink…you still end up spending a lot on water charges…try diluting the water you use. Might help.

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

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