Driving me crazy

If you drive with your wife IN your car, you have probably experienced this. If you drive with your wife ON your car, you are probably a happy man by now. God bless her.

Yesterday, for the millionth time I got scolded for being a careless driver. The only thing I ever did was rip the right arm of a pedestrian. For a while I thought that man was an Olympic champion or something…he was running that fast along my car. Only when he tripped and fell did I realize that his hand had got caught in my rear view mirror. Later, when I parked the car in my parking slot, the hand fell down. Now, I have my grandfather`s eyes and an unknown pedestrian`s right hand.

Getting back to the journey, as soon as the man fell down, Rekha started her gyan on how to drive in Chennai. I wouldn`t really mind if she had been a Micahel Schumacher who couldn`t make it to Formula 1 because her father didn`t want her to. But she is no Schumy. She doesn`t even have a two-wheeler driving license. She has had three learner`s licenses and on 19 ocassions called me to rescue her from a spot after hitting somebody.

She continues to ride a TVS Scooty and if you see a lady in the middle of a commotion, with a green Scooty that`s been pushed to the roadside…it could well be Rekha. To check if she is indeed Rekha, get on top of omebody`s car and shout: https://ouchmytoe.com. If the lady is indeed Rekha, she will turn back. 

Anyway, that`s besides the point.

I came across this relevant joke on elaughs.blogspot.com.

– X- X – X –

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

“Careful …! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking
too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them!

TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?

They’re going to STICK! Careful…… CAREFUL!

I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking!
Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?

Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT!

The wife stared at him.
“What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”

The husband calmly replied, “I wanted to show you what it feels like
when I am driving with you in the car.”

– X – X – X-

One of these days I am going to do this to Rekha.

Car Car(e) Articles

You probably think I am an evil in’car’nate
Walking the distance alone
I have no ense of direction
Lessons from road traffic
Now I have the license to kill, literally

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at jv.rajan@gmail.com or message him at +919650080255.

32 replies on “Driving me crazy”

Ha Ha Ha….while reading the post…I kept remembering my non-stop blabber/instructions while my husband drives….

soo soo true….aisa hota hai

& dare u do that with Rekha….

Hahaha, nice post once again.. I must say without Rekha your writing become like Sholay without Gabber, Mumbai without Local train, Hindi movie without song, ausis without sledging, Italy without pizza & pasta, Goa without fanny, Daal without Tadka, Govt without majority, News channel without sensation, Olympic without 100 meter run, and last but not least car without steering. If you see ma couple is sitting in front seat and keep mum, or yelling women means they are 100% married persons, and obliviously each other. And if you see if they are talking with laugh & cheerfulness they are not above mentioned ……

Good one dude. Things to look out for – Green Scooty and a Silver Swift. As if the roads wern’t enough 🙂

Arun: You are absolutely right. Now you know why the women are known as the fairer sex? Coz…the World is fairer to them than to the men! Pity…it is the other men who are fairer to them.

Mehak: See…so I wasn’t lying abt Rekha doing the same to me. This is proof for all those doubting Thomasses that whatever i write here is true!

Rakesh Bhandari: thanks mate…I liked your comparisions. I guess same could be said about me – Rajan without Rekha would be like Sholay without Gabber! 😉

Mehak: sorry yaar that was a mistake. Did it in a hurry in the morning coz had been busy the whole of last four days…and I needed to update the blog today at any cost! And yes, “About Rekha” section will come out soon.

Nina: Isn’t fire worse than hot tawa? I am anyway in the fire…after marriage, I fell from the frying pan to the fire!

Rishi: Thanks buddy. The joke is always hilarious when its not on one of us. BTW, read your interview…pretty impressive.

Ashesh: Thanks buddy. I was notified that you have subcribed to my posts. Oops…maybe I shouldn’t mention this in public…would you be ashamed?

Browser: BTW…we have named our vehicles The Green Mile and the Silver Bullet. Rekha calls it the Green Mile coz it has to invariablly hit somebody within a mile and I call it the Silver Bullet coz of the risk involved…

Kausik: ha ha ha… thats a good one man. Didn’t know you would bring in my confessions from the past to stump me in the present. Dont you know that confessions at confession box can’t be used as evidence in any court of law?

You definitely have no hand in the entire affair…

btw Wives should be like mine when driving. She pays ABSOLUTELY no attention to my driving !!! Last time,while goin to office; i braked; a bikerider skidded and fell down; he got up and started running after me ; i sped breakneck speed, took two maniacal sharp turns and a different route to office – while all this happened; wife was just talkin about what groceries to buy in the evening !!!!

btw- do visit my blog at blogspot and comment 🙂


Rishi: I am glad you are not Rishi Vishwamitra. Now I can keep all the Menakas to myself. BTW, if you see them somewhere let them know that I was looking for them.

Flaashgordon: I totally agree. But the advantage here is, the ladies never know when we stop listening. So, all you got to say is: “Rekha, can you repeat what you wanted to buy so that I memorize them better. You know how bad my memory is compared to your father.”

They will fall for it.

Megha: I think the third will be some vehicle that has 6 wheels. If you notice the progression it is: 2, 4, 6…

Kausik: Well, thats why I asked you to say ouchmytoe.com. But even after saying that if the people around think Rekha has run over your toe…you will get your money for Ouchmytoe.com promotion. The public will ensure that 😉

I am writing you a mail in general. I happened on our website by accident and trust me, it was worth it.

To make long story short, I am married with a 3 year old, who pees, shits, bathes, gets ready for school, eats all his food , etc only by mommy (ME). And I have another child who just turned 35 depends on me for all of those things excpt peeing and shitting.

So in 24 hour hours – 8 hours of sleep, i am totally busy.

BUT I got hooked onto your website since friday evening, and now it is sunday night I just cudnt stop laughing or close the browser.

Does anyone hear me :Iam Hooked:

My son is threatening to run away from home and join an orphange, and my husband is seriously doing all kids of renovation to my house, which is not needed.

They have stopped me, but I go back to your website like a magnet.

Help me


Your postings are awsome. This is the first time I am chking blogs, so I guess its no wonder that the very first being the best, I got hooked.

Many of your posts can be related to by me and I feel u have done more than justice just putting in words.

Just trying to leave you a comment is staggering for me (the 2 drinks which I gulped may hve contributed a little too).

Keep up the good work and keep us happy too.

Regards to your wife Rekha and Rhea (daugther) – though I dont know them AT all, I still feel very close to them.

Keep them coming. Bye.

Someone who is never gonna miss your posts anymore.

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