In the last few months we have been talking babies almost every day. I am so psyched by all this baby talk that as soon as my wife starts off “Our baby….,” I start the baby talk myself “Gaa ..Baa…Raa …Gaa …Gaa.”
Apparently, three of her best friends – only women can have three best friends – are pregnant. My wife said:Â said: “Three of my best friends are also pregnant. Our delivery dates fall within a month.”
“Great…but why you looking at me like that? Are you suspecting me of something?”
If you have been married and have delivered a young mammal you probably understand how important it is to maintain secrecy in the first three months. Rekha and I did manage to maintain the secrecy – at last count only 300 of the outside circle of friends and relatives know. But it is really difficult to maintain a secret with a wife who pukes this bad and sports a stomach the size of a traffic constable.
Here is what happened during our second visit to the gynecologist. Even as we waited, I saw the name board “Amudha Hari” and wondered why such doctors were known as Gynecologists.
Once inside, I piped Rekha to the post and asked the doctor: “Why are you called a gynecologist?”
“I am a woman`s doctor and ‘gynaik` in Greek means ‘woman`.”
“Are you sure that`s the origin? Because I thought earlier gynecologists treated injured ‘guy`s necks` and that`s why even to this day they are referred to as Gynecs.”
“Yes, in the olden days, the war soldiers used to wear an amour on their torso, a metal helmet on their head and the only portion left unattended was their neck.”
“And Gynecologists were the medical practitioners who attended to their neck injures. After the wars dwindled and the soldiers started losing their lives in peace keeping operations, gynecologists moved to the next lucrative business – baby producing.”
At this, the doctor looked at my wife, who stood up for me and said I was just fine. Rekha assured the doctor that it was the pressure of suddenly being thrust into fatherhood.
I heard the doctor say “If you insist” before she started going through the lab reports again.
I was terribly upset. I had cut a sorry figure in front of the doctor I will be seeing for the next six months. I had to make amends and I had to make it now.
“Doctor, my wife has been puking a lot. Anything I can do to stop that?”
“The puking is because a foreign body had nested itself inside your wife and her body needs time to adjust.”
Her answer confused me. Was she saying that I will get a foreigner as a child? If it was going to be a foreigner…how did the doctor know? Will it be white? Or will it be Afro-American?
“Doctor.. are you saying that we will not have an Indian baby but a foreign baby?”
At this Rekha kept her hand over mine and stopped me. In years of marriage one understands such messages. She then apologized to the doctor. She said: “I am sorry doc, my husband has had a lot to handle lately.”
The doctor gave me a compassionate smile and then I saw her lips move. She had turned towards Rekha and was now whispering: “I understand your husband`s situation. No, issues.”
At this I had jumped up and asked: “No issues? I thought you just confirmed the pregnancy!” After that I don`t know what hit me, I just blacked out.