February 14: Valentine`s Day Special

In three more days, it will be February 14 – the day all men dread. This will be my sixth Valentine`s day with Rekha (3rd after deciding to marry her) and I am already dreading the day.

What will I do? How will I show her that I care? Even if I do spend some money and surprise her, will I be censured for being extravagant? To be honest, the accusation happens only when the gift doesn`t find favor with her. Like in 2004, when she thought the anklets I had bought were old-fashion, she turned it on me saying I was extravagant. We later went to the jeweler, paid more money and got something better! She was re-defining extravagancy.

Another aspect is what I call the “Where” aspect. Where will all this showering of love happen? Will I deliver the goods, in front of her friends or at home when nobody will witness? Anyday, especially on Valentine`s Day, your girl would prefer to do a “You know…my husband loves me soooooo much!” act in front of her friends. Rekha is no different.

A part of the Valentine`s Day planning happens without Rekha`s consent while some with her consent – like deciding on the restaurant for dinner.

“I am booking a table for two at Grand Days. Would you be fine?” I asked her on Friday.

“Sure. I will come there straight from office at 8.30 p.m..”

“Perfect. What if you are late?” I ask her…just so I don`t waste my time waiting for her.

“Well, if I don`t come by 8.30 p.m…keep waiting. I will be there by 9 p.m..”

“But Rekha, any delay will only affect our Valentine`s Day celebration.” I protest. It is not every day I get a chance to protest.

“That is ok.” She dismissed me like any Math teacher would dismiss a student who failed her subject the previous year.

The problem with marriage is, sometimes complacency sets in, and you lose all fear. In one such moment, I questioned Rekha: “Are you arguing with me – your husband?”

“Nope. I am not arguing with you. I am telling you.” She snapped back.

When you have been a husband for a year and a half, you know when it is dangerous to tread any further. So, I agreed. I am so used to her for the last six years that I get irritated when she is not there. I am so miserable without her. It is almost like having her around.

As of now, the dinner part is fixed. I am yet to come up with a daytime event, which would announce my love for her.

I am thinking if I should do what Saif Ali Khan does in one of his advertisements – fly a plane with a banner saying ‘I love you`. The problem is, I don`t know to fly a plane. Maybe, I can jump using a parachute…and on the way down…carry a banner saying, “I love you, Rekha`. What if the parachute doesn`t open? Would that mean, I will be jumping to a conclusion?

Anyways, I have decided to get in touch with a gentleman who has given this advertisement in The Hindu Classifieds –

For Sale: Parachute. Price negotiable. Only used once, never opened, small stain. Call 9884391221.

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at jv.rajan@gmail.com or message him at +919650080255.

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