Valentine’s Day is over. Phew!

Valentine`s Day went on well. For Rekha. The only problem is…for the next year`s Valentine`s Day I have set a certain level of expectation and will be forced to live up to it. If the rate at which Rekha`s expectations have ‘upped` over the last few years is any indication, on Valentine`s day in the year 2018, I will be building a revolving restaurant on Eiffel Tower and in 2029, I will have to speak to NASA and become the first couple in space!

Five years back, I had a choice. Use a magnifying glass and play up Rekha`s importance in my life for one day…and get treated well for one week, or celebrate the Valentine`s Day as every Tom, Dick & Harry would and forget about it the next day. Must have been one stressful time for I decided to do the former.

Let us understand this better. For the benefit of all those who have not interacted with women (because they work), here is an easy explanation –

If in April 2005 appraisal you got “Mostly Exceeds Expectations” (which is the max you can get), you have to strive to get that in April 2006 appraisal too. If you don`t it becomes your fault. It doesn`t matter that it is your boss who is rating you. Now, replace the annual appraisals with Valentine`s Day and your boss with your wife (girl friend). Fortunately, this year also I exceeded expectations.

How did we celebrate our Valentine`s Day? Simple. I told Rekha that I will be coming in late but came early and decorated the house. There are three ways to get any work done – hire somebody, get a few kids in the locality involved and tell them not to do it…and do it yourself. I choose to decorate the house myself. Not much, just some colored frills over the graffiti we have on our drawing room walls. I also played the Sagar Jaise Aakhon Wali song in a loop. That was a wise decision, for sometimes I get caught lying.

At 7.30 p.m. Rekha walked into the house with the bunch of flowers I had delivered to her in office…

“How much did these cost you?” Now, that`s what I call focus.

“Rekha, happy Valentine`s Day!” I insisted.

“Tell me. How much did you pay for this?”

“Nothing.” I said, trying to be smart.

“Nothing?” She doesn`t like to be fooled around with. Even on Valentine`s Day.

“Actually, it cost me Rs 500. The vendor said he will come home and collect it from us after delivering.”

“What? For that money…we could have gone out in the evening. And anyways, how many roses did you ask him to keep?”

“Forty.” I had surrendered by now.

“Forty? That guy has you fooled. I could count only 33 roses. Why don`t you go right away and tell him and bargain down the price. He will forget if you leave it for tomorrow.”

BTW, next year Rekha wants me to paint a mural for her.

Now you know why women live longer then men! They don`t have wives!

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

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