Sex

Making Love vs Having Sex

I remember one of the fairer sexes recently commenting on this blog, that blog posts on ‘sex` are increasing with my age. Let me point her to a category called SEX on Ouchmytoe (man…that sounded like sex on toast!), where the most recent post is ‘Jammy`s Sex life exposed!,` written as early as 18th Feb, 2007 and the one before that was ‘One month overdue!` written on 19th Sept, 2006.

Anyway, this blog post is not about sex…it is about making love. Ask any girl and she will tell you that ‘making love` and ‘having sex` are different. ‘Having sex` is what we men are after…and ‘making love` is what we are forced to call it because that`s what the girl likes to call it.

Here is proof that men are being forcefully initiated into the habit of “making love” and not “having sex” even before they know what sex is. Why else would a Google search for ‘How to have sex` show lesser results (32,100,000 results) than a Google search for ‘How to make love` (54,700,000 results)?

Man has adapted to the needs of the woman. Now, when he ventures out to impress a lady, he suppresses all his urges and does what the lady wants. He makes love. Making love to a lady is a delicate act….and like anything delicate…it is tough on the untrained man. Unlike making a bed, making love isn`t all about bedsheets & pillows & their positions.

The other day I was making love with a lady. We felt as if we were the center of the universe and everything (and everybody) was revolving around us. Thankfully, all doors & windows were closed and no one was looking at us. The moment was intense. I think that`s when I looked into the girl`s eyes…stared deep into them… and asked: “Are you squint eyed?”

She didn`t respond. And after that I couldn`t get close enough to the girl, to check out if she really had squint eyes. That`s the thing about making love. When a man makes love he is forced to use words that angels use. Words that he would never use when not high on the potent drink called testosterone. Here are some examples:

  • [Name of the girl], I love you sooooooo much. (To which the girl will respond with a longer sooooooooooooooo)
  • [Name of the girl], promise me you will never leave me and go? (Trust me, at that point the guy means it)
  • [Name of the girl], you are the best thing that has happened to me. (So Smitha Tandon was the second best?!)
  • [Name of the girl], you know what…I can die in your arms right now. (I can almost hear the girl say: “Don`t buddy…what do I tell the police…how should I explain a naked corpse in a sub-urban hotel…in the middle of the night?”)
  • Men who don`t make love but have sex, don`t talk like angels. But they mean what they say.

    If you are a man that likes to have sex but are caught up with a lady who wants to make love…be careful about what you say.

    Making love or having sex…there are certain things that should never be said.

  • [Name of the girl], what is that in your eye? Didn`t wash your face properly in the morning? (But this is definitely better than asking her to pick her nose)
  • [Name of the girl], do you have a skin problem? Suddenly, I am itching all over. (Even if you end up asking…don`t ask where she has kept the Odomos)
  • [Name of the girl], I always wanted to be a porn star. Want to make our own video for the personal collection? (Even if she agrees, don`t upload it on youtube.com and embed the video on your blog)
  • [Name of the girl], do you love me or are you doing this just for the money? (Beware, what if she tells the truth?)
  • [Name of the girl], I love to have sex with you. (Remember, it is always about making love!)
  • Ladies & Gentlemen, anything I missed our here?

    Other Funny Reads

    # Growth Pangs – for a 30+ man
    # Male sex organs (U Certificate)
    # How Indian wives take their husbands for a ride
    # Encounters of the third kind
    # Sending off a girl to Mumbai

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