Jammy’s weakly predictions – Part 1

This astrologer friend of mine used to write weekly horoscopes. For reasons unknown to the junta he has now stopped.

Like anything else associated with me, the below given weekly predictions have no rhyme or reason. They will ‘definitely’ come true…so take it with a pinch of salt.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

The week will be good. I mean, what better way to lose the battle than lose it at home. If you want to land in office safe and sound, buy your wife that expensive fire extinguisher she has always wanted. It is another thing that she might never use it and later call you an extravagant.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

This is my sign so I better be good. You might buy a car this weekend. Perhaps even a battle tank if you live in Afghanistan. If you live in Iraq…duck now…a grenade has just been hurled at you.

Gemini (May 21 – June 21)

Beware of your twin for he might be after your girlfriend. If you were born single…try and get a partner. It isn’t a great idea to be living alone at 35 with just a sports channel, pizza and a bottle of Coke for company. All you Gemini girls…shift to some other sign.

Cancer (June 22 – July 22)

This week sea is where you should be headed. Afterall, crabs live in the sea. If you are a man don’t go near the Naval headquarters …they could turn you into seamen (hope you got the pun regarding naval & seamen). That is if you don’t want to create waves.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

The issue with lions is no one wants to follow their tracks. You will also feel the same this week. If ever you meet some old friend never
say: “I passed your house last evening.” For he/she is bound to reply: “I appreciate it.”

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

If you are a lady you are a safe Virgo. But Virgo men beware…especially if you are married…for your wives will be very calculative this week. Even to the extent of using a bow and arrow to kill you, just so they don’t wake up the kids with a gunshot in the middle of the night.

Predictions for the next six signs will put up on Saturday morning.