Kitchen – place to rule

I wonder why Alexander the Great was ready to risk thousands of his soldiers` lives (not to mention his own) and conquer the whole World. Or for that matter the Mongol King Genghis Khan.

What did they get out of their never-say-die pursuits that led to such mayhem? I would never know. But one thing is for sure I am an aspiring Alexander the Great. I might not want to conquer the whole World, but I would want to have a space in my house that I could call my own. So I am on a conquering binge.

I tried out the master bedroom, but Rekha is a regular visitor. After the initial setback, I opted for our second bedroom, but we have the iron board there and every morning she spends an hour and a half ironing her clothes. The pre-marriage offer included ironing my clothes, but that clause was conveniently forgotten after marriage.

The balcony is no different. Sixty-year-old men staring at me spoil quite evenings at the balcony. They even dress up before they come and stand before our balcony to catch a glimpse of Rekha. The number of oldies coming in has increased ever since actress Rekha was named MTV Maha Style Icon. I even have secret information that they have daily wagers on whom Rekha will wave at.

Now coming back to my pursuit, I tried the washrooms. Not quite hygienic but that has never been an issue. Once when I was enjoying the purity of silence, I heard her shout: “Rajan, you are anyways inside the loo, why don`t you clean the closet. Lizol is on the window sill!” That did it, and I decided that the washroom was not the place I wanted to rule.

I got my space by accident. Or should I say luck. I went to the kitchen to drink water and some how fell asleep. I did not wake up for two days and even Rekha was not able to spot me. An FIR was filed, and a Police search party found me sleeping between the two gas cylinders.

From then on, I have been the king of the Kitchen. Rekha never comes here….

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

4 replies on “Kitchen – place to rule”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *