My brother-in-law is a lawyer

He and his family paid us a visit a few days ago. It is only ‘payment` they have made us. During an after-dinner conversation, I sought my brother-in-law`s advice regarding a case I was fighting against the Govt. of India. Here is how the conversation went –

Me: Just needed your advice.

Brother-in-law: Regarding?

Me: I am involved in a case against the Govt. of India.

Brother-in-law: Ok. And?

Me: I want to know if I should pursue the case or should ask for an out-of-the-court settlement. It is eating up my bank balance.

Brother-in-law: I think you should continue to defend yourself. According to IPC 420, any individual is guilty until proven broke.

[Now, I knew how he managed to buy me costly gifts whenever he came visiting]

Me: But, I spend quite a lot on lawyer fee. Can you bail me out by becoming my lawyer?

Brother-in-law: Sure. Why not?

Me: How much do you charge for one hour?

Brother-in-law: Discounting the 15 minutes we have already been speaking to each other, you should be paying me $78 per hour.

Me: Can I take it on the basis of questions? Can I pay per questions asked?

Brother-in-law: Sure. That would be one question answered. So what is your second question?

Me: God…are you this costly with everybody?

Brother-in-law: Yes. That would be two questions. Mind you, I charge $11 per question.

[He was costlier than my existing lawyer, so I decided to give him the pass]

Me: I guess I will stick to my existing lawyer. He always gives me his honest opinion.

Brother-in-law: I hope you are not getting ‘an honest opinion` while paying for ‘professional advice`. Both are two completely different things.

Me: Now that I know the difference, I will be careful with him.

Brother-in-law: Did you read about the airplane with 60 lawyers heading to a convention, being highjacked?

Me: Yeah. And they are threatening to release the lawyers one by one if the demands are not met! Scary shit!

Brother-in-law: What is so scary? Lawyers are also human being…aren`t they?

Me: They sure are. Just those lawyers don`t get caught for helping a criminal after the crime is committed. If you noticed, those who help the criminal while the crime is being committed get branded as accomplices!