On why I am against helmets

Of late I have been noticing a lot of promotions favoring helmets. There are advertisements shouting out one-liners like –

“Respect your brain. Wear a helmet.”
(What about the brainless? Or for that matter…what about the brain dead?)

“Your head is no coconut. Wear a helmet.”
(Oh My God…what a discovery! And we thought we could make coconut chutney with our heads. “Father, could you lend us your head today…need something to go with the dosa mother is making.”)

Tonight, before hitting the bed,
Go and buy helmet for your head!
(But I never hit the bed. I mean, what wrong has the bed done to me? And even if I hit my bed..it is not like my bed is going to hit me back and I need some safety.)

I wonder if the Road Safety commissioner has a stake in some helmet company. I am dead against wearing helmets. I don`t want that Road Safety Commissioner to get rich.

Moreover, all my relatives and friends know the design on my helmet. And if I wear it and travel on my bike…they would easily identify me. Now, that is not what I want.

And what about that wind-in-the-hair feeling? Gregory Peck never wore a helmet when he took Audrey Hepburn for a ride (on his Vespa) in the movie Roman Holiday. If Gregory and Audrey don`t need it….Rajan and Rekha don`t need it either!

I mean, I would have worn a helmet if I did not like my wife chattering away to kingdom come, when I drive. But I do like it. It might distract me, but still I love it. And with a helmet on…we would not be able to exchange our love-notes.

And lastly, what about all that wildlife that I support by buying a helmet and keeping it safely in one corner of my house. When Rekha last moved my helmet, we saw four scorpions and nine spiders crawl out. Not to mention the three centipedes. If I were to wear my helmet, how would these beings survive? Menaka Gandhi might even slap a case against me!

I say guys….don`t wear helmets. Be a cool dude…and hit the tarmac with a smile on your face. Let roads be remembered by your name. Let people say, “This is the road where that dude crashed his head against the tarmac and died a glorious death.”

*This post is aimed at promoting the usage of helmets.

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at jv.rajan@gmail.com or message him at +919650080255.

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