Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
So each is inevitably disappointed.
— Albert Einstein
The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
— Woody Allen
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
— Steve Martin
The four most important words in any marriage…”I’ll do the dishes.”
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing — and then marry him.
Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.
— Erma Bombeck
When we got married I told my wife “If you leave me, I’m going with you. And she never did.
— James Fineous McBride
It’s been so long since I made love,
I can’t even remember who gets tied up.
— Joan Rivers
All marriages are happy. It’s trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.
— Shelley Winters