When Bush comes to show

George Bush has retained the White House.

Shucks, I had gotten bored of the Bush jokes on the net and was expecting Kerry to win, so that we would have a fresh set of laughing matter. Looks like I have to contend with Bush jokes for another four years.

Don`t know why US has re-elected Bush. I mean, there is no Iraqi civilian left to be killed. If you thought people in India did not pick up their phones when it rang, you should check out Iraq. There is nobody to pick up ringing phones. Ever since US Prez Bush started taking the call, everybody else in Iraq has stopped.

According to reports, Osama Bin Laden released Kerry`s daughter from captivity this morning. It is being assumed that Osama kidnapped Vanessa Kerry. In case, Kerry had won, Osama would have used her to negotiate the withdrawal of US troops from Iraq. A few critics of John Kerry believe Vanessa and Osama could be hanging out together.

When last heard, the World famous terrorist was planning to kidnap Bush`s daughter Jenna W. Bush. Determined fella, this Osama guy.

Hope you guys like political posts like this. Or was I beating around the Bush?

Bush vs Musharraf

Here is a yahoo chat conversation between US President George Bush and Pakistan CEO Pervez Musharraf. These guys are generally invisible; so don`t wait for them to come online. You can send off-line messages, if you are interested.

Bush: Hey Pervez, where is Osama?
Pervez: Search me! 😛
Bush: Man, you refuse to hand him over when I need him most. This is election time, and if I can capture him now…I get to win.
Pervez: I know.
Bush: So why the hell are you still shielding him?
Pervez: Coz, we also have elections here in Pakistan, and I thought it makes sense for me to keep him safe for my use.
Bush: I can give you whatever you want. Just don`t ask me for Madhuri Dixit or Kashmir.
Pervez: One of them you already have in US, the other you have left here coz you cannot take.
Bush: Forget that. What`s your price?
Pervez: My country and I are not for sale.
Bush: I will stop supplies of arms and ammunition.
Pervez: We have the erstwhile Soviet-bloc countries. 😛
Bush: Hmm…I will stop supplying the nuclear know-how.
Pervez: We have China. 😛
Bush: No World Bank loans for you.
Pervez: Heard an Indian bank called Global Trust Bank, gives loans to Tom, Dick & Harry. I am after all, Pervez. 😛
Bush: Hmmm.. looks like I am losing out.
Pervez: Yeah looks, like.
Bush: What if I give you Manmohan singh dead or alive?
Pervez: Half of him is his turban. I am not interested. 😛
Bush: Sometimes, I wonder if I am the most powerful man on Earth.
Pervez: Yeah, me too.

The art of gifting

It is a very fine art. You learn with age. Or should I say you realize after some time.

Back in Madurai, we have no tradition of gifting. Of course, we do part with a piece of our earnings…just that we do not go to Archies or a Lifestyle or a Design store searching for that good-looking, cheap gift. The invitees would just walk in with some money in an envelope, and hand it over to the person celebrating.

During my early days in Chennai, I would notice all invitees walking into the reception/marriage hall with a gift in hand, with a nice golden gift-wrap hiding the contours of the cheap gift. Now, it is a different debate that gifts cannot be cheap because it`s the thought behind it that matters.

A curious me wanted to know the kind of gifts exchanging hands and I asked a friend who had invited me, if I could be present during the gift-opening ceremony. He reluctantly agreed. Perhaps, because he owed me Rs 2000. It was a big affair. His grandma, who cannot walk was also wheeled in from the next room.

While my friend`s mother wanted the biggest gift to be opened first, my mate said he wanted to go from the smallest to the biggest. The issue was finally settled. My mate picked up the smallest gift…it had come from a common friend of ours. The guy had gifted four tea cups with saucers. “Bastard!,” I heard somebody saying. Don`t know which side it came from.

The next gift was a night lamp. By the time we finish, we would be left staring at 18 night lamps. Wonder why people think after marriage most couples end up sleeping.

After the lamps, it was a casserole. Next, a flask. Next, wall clock. Next, a picture frame. And then, the gifts started repeating itself. Intelligentsia had even taken the trouble of gifting a Sidney Sheldon. Perhaps, he/she had finished reading it.

Then there was another common friend called Prakash, who gifted him a towel. It looked familiar. Had I gifted it once to Prakash…I was not sure. I looked for that small tear in the corner…which was the reason why I had parted with it in the first place…and yes, it was there. So, that cheapo had forwarded my gift. Now, I also forward gifts.

I have already marked the ones that are not good ‘gifters` and don`t invite them to my functions. BTW, did I tell you…I have not been getting much invites lately.

10,000 times 10,000!

Ten thousand times ten thousand in sparkling raiment bright,
The armies of the ransomed saints throng up the steeps of light;
`Tis finished, all is finished, their fight with death and sin;
Fling open wide the golden gates, and let the victors in.
– Poet unknown
– – – – – – – – – – – – –

Did you know that Jay Lo has ordered for 10,000 clothes hangers. Or that the 10,000th prime number is 104,729?
Or did you know that the calories burned daily by the sled dogs running in Alaska’s annual race average 10,000. Or did you know that a purse made of crocodile skin sells for a cool $10,000?
Did you know that when Disney World in Florida was opened to the public in 1971 only 10,000 people visited it during the first year? With time, however, the attendance rose to more than 10,000 people an hour.
Did you know that Charlie Chaplin was discovered while he was traveling with a British troupe in the United States in 1913? His first salary was $150 per week. In seven years time, he would figure in 69 films and start charging $10,000 per week.
Did you know Sunil Gavaskar was the first batsman to score 10,000 Test runs.
By now, you are probably wondering why I am obsessed with this number 10,000.
I am going tell you but not before introducing these nice links on –

10,000 Year Calendar
10,000 paintings on the web
10,000 Birds
10,000 ways to say I love you – Book
Home for 10,000 Maniacs
10000 Wonderful Things Museum
The 10000 Steps Program
First 10,000 Digits of the Golden Ratio
Eruptions in the Last 10,000 Years
10000 Monkeys

Well, the secret is… you are probably the 10,000th visitor to my blog. Check the counter on the top left, and let me know if you were the one.
The 10,000th visitor gets a prize – a big hug from me!

Boooo! Halloween is here!

Halloween is a Celtic festival. It is believed that on Oct 31, the Worlds of the living and the dead became blurred and the dead ancestors come back to Earth to find a new body. And since none of the living beings want a ghost to enter their body, they dress up like ghosts & monsters to wade off the evil. Over a period of time, it became a festival and wining and dining entered the scene. More Details on the Festival

By the way, for people who don`t know me, my yahoo id is ‘pppumpkincarver` coz I once used to carve pumpkins for a hobby. Well, at least till they started costing Rs 15/- a Kilo. If you wondering what those extra Ps are doing…that`s for the Darr Effect. Remember Shah Rukh Khan saying…K…K…Kiran. | Tips to carve pumpkins.

I think it is the Halloween fever. I am thinking of pumpkins, witches, Dracula, bats, blood and more.

Perhaps, that is the reason why Bush and Kerry are fighting it out among themselves in the last week of October – the Halloween week. After all, ‘politics’ is made up of words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures.` There I go, again!

I just came to know that Bob Marley has been dead for long yet he has been earning money in millions (Read Interesting Article). He is the Jamaican, who ensured that the World knew about his country’s style of music – rap. Guess, a mummy`s favorite music would also be wrap!

Talking of rap, unless you are a gansta rapster like Ice Cube, I don`t think you would like to dance with your wife with rap playing in the background. Instead, I would prefer some Jazz. Pity all those skeletons who would be wandering around during Halloween. They would have no‘body` to dance with.

On the Halloween night …I guess the vampires would be a big pain in the neck. Especially for beautiful women, with whom they are known to fall in love at first bite. Meanwhile, the ones that love cricket will turn into bats during the day and visit cricket grounds.

Sometimes, I get this feeling that I am a Dracula. For I know I suck!

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Tailor shops’ – whats in a name?

If you have not been as big a fashion freak as Britney Spears or David Beckham, you have probably bought cloth bits and stitched a trouser or a shirt in the tailor shop on the street corner.

Ever wonder what goes behind naming each of these tailor shops? Loads of crappy advice.

A few hours back I saw this shop named `Look Pass Tailors.` Perhaps when the committee sat down to decide on a name for the shop, the guy putting in the money said: “Ok guys, our name should be so good that a passerby should stop, have a look and then move on.” And one intelligent dodo in the gang said, “How about ‘Look Pass.` And the name stayed on.

Very soon, another guy will set up tailor shop across the street. To beat his competitor in the naming game, he would call his shop ‘Look, Peek, Pass Tailors`. No surprises if one day somebody names his shop ‘Look, Peek, Piss & Pass Tailors.`

How can I forget the one called ‘Ray Man Tailors` in Madurai (my native). I suppose he wanted to capitalize on Raymond`s Brand Equity. This guy`s business flourished and next year he opened a Ladies only tailor shop, naming it “Ray Woman Tailors.” That was when I left Madurai and came to Chennai.

And then, there is this TEX syndrome. There are these tailoring shops named A-Tex, B-Tex, C-Tex, D-Tex…till Z-Tex. Now, don`t ask me Y-Tex!

In God`s own country (and that would be Kerala), it is totally different. If the tailor`s name is Thangachan Kumaran, the name of his shop will be ‘Tee Kay Tailors`. God forbid if the tailor`s name were Padmanabhan Pillay for his shop`s name would be ‘Pee Pee Tailors`. Man, the name stinks.

There are many names that I think are worth mentioning here. Here is the list –

1) Indian Tailors – you better be Indian if you want to do business in India.
2) Cuts & Stitches – For a moment I had thought it was a polyclinic.
3) Soft Wear Tailors – Somebody who got pink-slipped during the IT bust and came back to become an entrepreneur.
4) Good Looking Tailors – Does it matter if the tailor is good looking?
5) Future Tailors – Guess, in future they hope to become tailors.

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Victoria’s Secret – do you know it?

I was reading this book called Couplehood by Paul Reiser and in one of the chapters he writes about how he likes flipping through the Victoria`s Secret catalogue. And he finds it entertaining yet morally satisfying. His only complain is that even after thumbing thro` the catalogue a 100 times, he is yet to know Victoria`s Secret.

But my case is different. In my house, Victoria`s Secret is a secret. The catalogue is wrapped up in an old shirt of mine, which in turn is hidden in an old suitcase, kept in the corner of the storeroom. No, actually…under my cot…hmm… I think it is in the kitchen. (Note: I am trying to miss lead you, so that you cannot blackmail once our opinions start differing).

This was a catalogue gifted to me by a fellow college mate, who after spending six years doing BA Economics, eventually managed to get 36 per cent marks and make it to the World of opportunities. It is another matter that he now has a successful business running and earns at least five times more than I do. For the record, I spent only three years doing BA Economics and passed out with a creditable 74 per cent. Life`s irony huh?

Coming back to the catalogue, I have deep sympathies for these women models. I mean, these models deserve more sympathy than the hungry kids of Somalia (does the country still exist? I don`t see them on the TV anymore!). These models are skinny…God knows when they last ate. If only I was watching a live Victoria`s Secret show and I happened to have a breadcrumb (that, I did not want), I am sure I would have thrown it on the ramp.

Or for matter the clothes they wear. I have seen more clothes on people pulled out of fire accidents. Nobody gifts these models clothes for Navratri or Diwali or Christmas. Everybody thinks, “Why should I gift her a churidhaar, she looks perfectly alright in her whatsitsname…”

Sorry…I am so much moved by the plight of these models that I got sentimental.

Surprisingly, Rekha does not understand the plight of these Victoria`s Secret models. Last time she saw me with the catalogue, I got a nice scolding. “You are now married. It is time you stop all this,” she said. I tried to make her understand that I was only trying to give back to the society what I had got from it. She would not buy my reasoning.

By the way, today evening she plans to burn the catalogue.