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Roger Moore was the funniest James Bond we ever had

Roger Moore, the longest serving James Bond – over 12 years and seven movies – is no more. This is not an obituary but a celebration of the humor and fun Roger Moore was known for. That’s right, Roger Moore was the funniest James Bond we ever had.

In fact, when he was selected as the replacement for Sean Connery, his first comment was on the irony of being James Bond. He is known to have said, “James Bond is not a real spy. You can’t be a real spy and have everybody in the world know who you are and what your drink is. That’s just hysterically funny.”

Despite his opinion of the character James Bond, Roger Moore went on to play the character for the longest time possible.

Sir Roger Moore, 89 was a wonderful actor and lovely man who passed away after a brief struggle with cancer. May his soul rest in peace (now that Cold War is over).

He brought both humor and panache to James Bond movies. He was sophisticated and yet unpretentious, which allowed him to see through himself, and his role as James Bond and the Cold War plots he acted in.

He even went to the extent of making fun of his acting skills. He is known to have said: “I am talentless. I have three expressions: eyebrow up, eyebrow down and both at the same time.”

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His sense of humor didn’t take a nosedive with age. It only improved. Once he crossed 70 he is known to have said, “You can either grow old gracefully or begrudgingly. I chose both.” Classy guy, indeed.

Here is one more example of how Roger Moore was imaginative and used his imagination to keep people around him happy. Read both the stories.

One thing he never made fun of was the fact that he may have killed villains across all continents as James Bond, but at home, he was subjected to domestic violence at the hands of his two wives.

Roger Moore was my generation’s, James Bond. He was tough. He was a smartass. He knew how to deliver. While in all his seven James Bond movies he was always on the ‘hunt to kill’ he was a staunch supporter of animals.

Roger Moore never took anything seriously enough and would have wanted us to laugh away his death as well. To celebrate a James Bond life well lived, here are some Bond jokes which would have made Roger Moore smile.

Best James Bond Jokes

Please find below some of the best James Bond jokes we could find on the net.

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Bond Joke 1

Roger Moore is sitting at a bar in his tux, nursing a vodka martini, when a stunning brunette sits at the empty barstool to his left and confidently orders a vodka martini of her own.

BOND: I admire your choice, Miss…?
BRUNETTE: Conda. Anna Conda.  [Looks at Bond’s left hand]. I admire your wristwatch, Mr…?

BOND: Bond, James Bond.  Thanks, it’s an Omega.  A remarkable feat of engineering, if I may say so — I designed it myself.

BRUNETTE [coldly and objectively]: Oh please, do tell.

BOND: Well Anna, in addition to telling the time, it’s a Geiger counter, a powerful magnet, and a saw that can slice through rope.

BRUNETTE [still unimpressed]: All you are saying may be true.  Go on.

BOND: Best of all, it has a high-definition video camera that can store up to 12 hours of footage.

BRUNETTE: I don’t believe you.

BOND: Fine, I’ll prove it to you.  Tell me about…oh, your dress.  [Bond positions the watch so that the camera is focused on Anna, and proceeds to record 60 seconds of footage as Anna describes her clothing.]

BOND: OK, let’s see the recording.  [Bond hits the playback, which to both of their surprise shows 60 seconds of Anna naked in bed making bedroom eyes and lascivious gestures to the camera].

BRUNETTE [horrified]: You presume a great deal, Mr. Bond.  What the hell was that?

BOND: [tapping the watch, annoyed]:  Oh bloody hell, damn thing’s an hour fast.

Bond Joke 2

“Oh come on Melina Havelock, come to bed.”
“No James!” She sighs, “I know you special forces types. You’ll be in and out before I know anything about it.”

Bond Joke 3

Roger Moore’s favorite treat at Christmas time? Mince spies.

Bond Joke 4

Roger Moore: Will I need any other protection?
Q: Only if you don’t want any more children, 007.

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By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

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