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Going mobile…for the pretty babe

I have a Nokia 3310. A very basic model when compared to the hi-tech mobiles that I see in the hands of hi-tech people. I am not aware of the features that the latest of mobiles come with, but I think the phone companies should seriously think of incorporating the below given suggestions if they have to stay ahead of the competition.

Spot The Number
I should be able to point the mobile at any pretty girl and press a single button, and get her phone number stored. This could be risky if girls start carrying their father’s mobiles, but considering the benefit the features offers, it is worth the risk.

Locked Stocked
This feature will help me point a mobile to another irresistible girl and get into the lock mode. Once locked, she should not be able to lose me. Thus, I can find out where all those pretty babes stay.

Invisible Mode
Once locked to a girl’s mobile, I should have the option of going underground, yet being linked to her mobile. Whenever she gets a call or she makes a call, my phone should ring…and I should be able to listen to the full conversation. This will help me know her likes and dislikes…and in the process increase my chances.

Slippery Contact
This feature will help me call her up on her mobile, yet not divulge my number. I will be able to express my love for the lady and yet not risk my neck on the altar of love.

Voice Sexizer
This feature will turn my moronic voice into like that of Stallone’s.

Pronunciation Enhancer
This feature will roll my tongue for me and help me pronounce all the difficult words like – excited, love, sex, horny…blah blah

The Mimic Artist
This feature will store the conversation between the pretty lady and her friends, and later help me mimic her friends. Thus, I would blow my own trumpet till kingdom come and find a foothold in her heart.

Commitment Negater
This feature will ensure the disabling of my mobile the moment she talks of meeting parents, eloping, engagement or marriage. It will work on a key-word system, that I could feed into my mobile.

The most important feature will be called Blow Yourself Up You Sucker. This would be one red button that will help me blow myself up, if I still fail to get the pretty one!

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