Going mobile…for the pretty babe

I have a Nokia 3310. A very basic model when compared to the hi-tech mobiles that I see in the hands of hi-tech people. I am not aware of the features that the latest of mobiles come with, but I think the phone companies should seriously think of incorporating the below given suggestions if they have to stay ahead of the competition.

Spot The Number
I should be able to point the mobile at any pretty girl and press a single button, and get her phone number stored. This could be risky if girls start carrying their father’s mobiles, but considering the benefit the features offers, it is worth the risk.

Locked Stocked
This feature will help me point a mobile to another irresistible girl and get into the lock mode. Once locked, she should not be able to lose me. Thus, I can find out where all those pretty babes stay.

Invisible Mode
Once locked to a girl’s mobile, I should have the option of going underground, yet being linked to her mobile. Whenever she gets a call or she makes a call, my phone should ring…and I should be able to listen to the full conversation. This will help me know her likes and dislikes…and in the process increase my chances.

Slippery Contact
This feature will help me call her up on her mobile, yet not divulge my number. I will be able to express my love for the lady and yet not risk my neck on the altar of love.

Voice Sexizer
This feature will turn my moronic voice into like that of Stallone’s.

Pronunciation Enhancer
This feature will roll my tongue for me and help me pronounce all the difficult words like – excited, love, sex, horny…blah blah

The Mimic Artist
This feature will store the conversation between the pretty lady and her friends, and later help me mimic her friends. Thus, I would blow my own trumpet till kingdom come and find a foothold in her heart.

Commitment Negater
This feature will ensure the disabling of my mobile the moment she talks of meeting parents, eloping, engagement or marriage. It will work on a key-word system, that I could feed into my mobile.

The most important feature will be called Blow Yourself Up You Sucker. This would be one red button that will help me blow myself up, if I still fail to get the pretty one!

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at jv.rajan@gmail.com or message him at +919650080255.

4 replies on “Going mobile…for the pretty babe”

Hey Jammy,
If incase you planning 2 submit your wishlist to any phone company, do add club my wishlist too.
following are a few of my expectations…
1.Cleavage detector : I want my phone to flash mob numbers of all those lovely ladies in deep cut outfit present within the radius of 100 metres.

UnderArm Filter : block d numbers of all ladies who flaunt their hairy underarms or @Least warn the user appropriatly.
Breath Analyzer: a feature tht analyzes d breath and sprays deo, mouth freshner or phenyl into the mouth of the mobile phone owner..this can come with a seperate refill cans…
long legs/Thunder thigh detector: a feature tht identifies all female cell phone owners wit long legs and flashes a messg on my phone screen with the xact measurements..this is mainly coz I love long legs…m a ‘Leg Man’. And since am also a tamilian..how can I not admire thunder thighs..so the phone shd also pointout ladies wit thunder thighs…(sun tv is in my blood).
do let me know if its feasible for you to get my wishlist clubbed wit urs.

Hi Jammy- inlight of shiva’s valuable inputs do you think you want to relook enabling comments on your blog?…heheheh…just asking

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *