Men and Women

The art of picking up women and its evolution over the years

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Back in the cave man days, finding a spouse was easy. One only had to go hunting and come back with a huge, dead deer on one’s back and place it in the corner of the cave. The woman, who obviously couldn’t go hunting and thus was dependent on a man for food, would come closer and whisper in the man’s ears: “How about we share this deer, and in return, I will provide you warmth during the night.”

Bingo! The spouse was found.

Back in those days, the men who couldn’t hunt, ride a horse or throw a spear were called ‘vegetarians’ and they had to make do with the grass, leaves, and fruits that grew around the cave.

This concept called ‘vegetarianism’ was also the reason behind the origin of another concept called “Gayism.”

A ‘vegetarian’ man (back then, they were defined by their inabilities and not by choice of what they wanted to eat) would suddenly have the urge to have meat and thus would be forced to whisper in another man’s ears: “How about we share this deer, and in return I will provide you warmth during the night.”

Then we started progressing – got out of caves, didn’t have to hunt any longer, women started having careers, we stopped living as communities and moved to individual houses etc.

All of this put undue pressure on the man to get a spouse. Now, women stopped being easy. Probably because food was always available in the fridge – vegetarian or non-vegetarian.

Like how a camel can go without water for days on ends, women can go without sex for months on end. So they could keep waiting till kingdom come. However, the men couldn’t wait because they needed sex every day. Unfortunately, back in those days having a woman around was the only solution for sex. Inflated dolls, porn sites etc were yet to arrive on the scene.

This pressure of finding their women got to the men and to get out of the pressure, they started smoking and drinking and joining clubs where all the men could form a support group and help each other out (the gay revolution got a second wind in such clubs). This went on for some time.

They say that when a man is pushed to the wall, he pushes back. Once he was ready to burst open, the man decided to go out and find a woman for himself. This was referred to as the beginning of ‘the art of picking up women.’

Over the centuries, various method were followed with various levels of success. By the 1970s, picking up of the women was templated. One only had to visit singles Bars, and wait for a lady to do one of the two things:

1) Take out a cigarette
2) Take the last gulp from her wine glass.

When the lady took out her slim, long cigarette, etiquette demanded that the man rush to offer her the light. This was the only, money-less conversation starter available. The small problem was that there were 11-12 men waiting for this lady to take out her cigarette and all of them would pounce with their lighters aflame. Back in the 1970s, this led to many women being burnt alive in Singles Bars only because they took out a cigarette out. Sometimes the whole bar would be gutted.

Since the free option was so crowded, a man could also wait for the lady to finish her glass of wine and walk up to her and say: “Miss, may I buy you another of the same?”

Women being women, the answer was almost always: “Yes.”

Both these methods of picking up women came under strict scrutiny by the respective Governments. Already reeling under the pressure of population explosion the Governments devised plans to NOT let the man and woman meet.

In case you didn’t know the “No smoking in public places” and ‘No drunk driving” rules were introduced by the Governments to make sure man and women don’t meet and thus don’t result in kids.

These rules by the Government forced the men to look for women in places where no smoking and drinking was allowed. These were Clubs/Institutes where they could find like-minded people such as – stamp collectors, karate lovers, salsa dancers, Star Wars lovers etc. The advantage of this approach was that once a man and woman met, they could spend their whole life collecting stamps together or doing karate, or whatever it was that interested them.

Most of the time people who met via this route lived happily ever after except of course when one of them picked up a new hobby.

With time, more and more women started taking up jobs. One would expect the women to start taking the lead in initiating the conversation with men. But unfortunately, that didn’t happen. The onus of starting the conversation even today rests with the man.

As the days rolled by, the men who didn’t have the balls to initiate conversation, introduced their own way of sourcing women. They called it Personal Ads. Personal Ads were received well by the women initially, and that’s because none of the Personal Ads ever said anything bad about the advertiser.

An average Personal Ad looked like this:

I am a self-confident man, and you should be the same. I am not keen on meeting women still reeling under the emotional problems from previous relationships – you should have gained your peace. Your age is not important to me as I am looking beyond the physical. You should be a college educated, financially independent, liberal minded woman. I prefer that you don’t have kids because I also don’t have any. I live in Delhi-NCR and expect you to be somewhere nearby because I am not interested in a long-distance relationship. If you see yourself in this description and are interested in meeting an intelligent, intellectual man, please contact me.

Soon enough the women saw through the Personal Ads trick and stopped responding. By the 1990s, the women workforce in corporate had increased significantly providing the men with one more avenue to pick up women. Today, office space remains the most prominent place to pick up women.

For the youngsters, it is bad news, but for the others it’s not bad news that half of the women working in corporates are actually married. A married woman is the most vulnerable when she is in her office. For her, the office space – where everybody dresses up well and aren’t in their pajamas, discusses stuff more important than prices of rice and pulses, argues over deadlines and not over why and how the milk was split – appears to be a very romantic place.

As for conversation starters with unmarried women in office, you can always call for a meeting to discuss the next upcoming deadline.

Note: If you are married or unmarried man looking for a woman in your life, try your office first.

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